On The Wrong Side of Reality
by Celeistic
Summary: After two years of absolute silence, an old enemy has returned. And this old enemy has completely warped what reality is for Ethan Morgan, Benny Weir, and Adison Montgomery. The impossible is now incredibly possible and it is absolutely not under the right circumstances. Everything is incredibly crushing and this is how they deal with it. This is how strong they are. Mpreg.
1. She's Made of Outer Space

There are just somethings in life that you know you'll never forget. Sometimes those things are embarrassing and when you're lying in your bed at night trying to fall asleep, you remember and cringe in the deepest part of yourself wishing that thing never happened.

And sometimes those things are hilarious, the kind of things that make you chuckle in the middle of class when you're supposed to be focusing on your work, but instead you're thinking of the funny thing your friend did.

Other times, those things are some of the best memories you carry with you. Memories that you now hold with the utmost love and joy, those are the somethings in life that you know you'll never forget and you don't ever want to forget them.

One of those memories for example was when I met one of my very best friends.

Her name was Adison. Sometimes I just call her Addie, because Adison gets to be a mouthful. Her full name was Adison Elizabeth Montgomery which was even longer to say, I sometimes wondered why her parents gave her such a name, because if they were ever mad at her, by the time they were done saying her full name they wouldn't be mad at her anymore. But even though it is quite the pretentious name, I love it. It is one of the most beautiful names to me. And I'll never forget the first time I heard it.

Addie and her family moved in next to me and my family just before eighth grade was about to start.

I remember the day incredibly clearly.

* * *

The month was August, and while it was summer, the air was already beginning to cool down to autumnal temperatures. Not that Canada ever got much warmer during the summer, but that day I needed a light long-sleeved t-shirt as I sat outside and bounced my baseball off the brick of our home.

Our street was a particularly quiet one, it was a main street for sure, but not very many people adventured out on Saturdays. Saturdays were for sleeping in and not doing anything. So, when I heard the sound of a larger vehicle coming down our way, I was both intrigued and slightly frightened, because the noise startled me.

I turned my head around towards the asphalt street and watched as a moving van came into view as well as a smaller pearly white car followed closely behind it. I watched as the car pulled into the driveway of the house right of mine while the moving van pulled up to the side next to the curb.

The passenger door of the white vehicle almost immediately popped open. A pair of feet wearing black shoes jumped out and pattered their way over to the front lawn. And that's when I saw the most beautiful girl I had ever seen.

Her hair was a combination of dark brown and red, it was also a combination of being wavy but almost straight which made it appear fluffy and not completely flat. Her eyes were hidden from the glare of the sunlight on her circular plastic framed glasses. Her skin was a healthy coloring, not pale like I was, but the color of someone who got to feel the sun on her skin a fair amount. She wore a black and yellow Fall Out Boy shirt tucked into dark blue jeans with a black and yellow flannel over her shoulders.

Even as a twelve year old with limited life experience, I knew she was the prettiest person I had ever seen.

Her mother stepped out of the driver's side of the white car and her father emerged from the front part of the moving van. It was apparent that she was an only child. Her mother had light brunette hair and her father had dark hair which explained her dark hair. Both of her parents were dressed almost a little too nice to have just been traveling for however long to make it to Whitechapel. They looked like important people and overall they seemed to be a happy family.

I watched as her parents talked to her for a moment before beginning to open the moving van and move items out. She looked as if she was about to sprint off and start helping, but she stopped and her head turned so that she was now looking at me.

While my heart froze itself, the widest smile came across her face before she bounded over to me.

Now that she was closer to me, I could see all the details of her face. I could see she had millions of dark freckles across her nose and her cheeks. I noticed that her eyes were actually two different colors. Her right one was blue-green and the other one was hazel. Her nose was cute and small, her lips were the perfect shape for her and they were a shade of dark pink. From far away she was pretty, but up close she was so much more than just pretty.

"Hey there, I'm Adison," the dark-haired girl purred, holding out her hand for me to shake. It took me a second of squeezing my hand into a fist for me to remember that I had limbs or even a body at all.

"Hi Adison, I'm Ethan," I replied, shaking her hand.

"Ethan, what a nice name, how old are you?" she questioned, tilting her head to the side slightly.

"Twelve, I'm about to start eighth grade, what about you?" I asked in response.

"Thirteen, I'm in the eighth grade too," she answered with a smile.

"Where did you move here from?" I wondered.

"Portland, Oregon," she told me and I had a general idea as to how the map of North America worked, and I knew that the state of Oregon was quite a ways from Ontario.

"Wow, that's a long ways from here, why have you decided to move here?" I quizzed, arching my eyebrow, because honestly I couldn't understand why anyone would come to Whitechapel.

"My mom and dad are psychologists, they decided they wanted to see work elsewhere, so, here we are." Adison explained.

"Oh, well, that's interesting, are you sad that you had to move?" I prodded, probably more than I should have for someone who I just met, but I wasn't really thinking as I was talking to Adison for the first time. All of these words and the conversation were moving so fluidly, it was the first time this had happened with anyone other than my very best friend Benny Weir.

"I miss my friends, but I'm really excited to be somewhere new. It's been a while since I've lived outside of America," she chirped.

"You mean you've lived outside of North America before? Where else have you lived?" I continued.

"Well, I was born in Japan and lived there until I was about three, we then moved to England until I was ten. Then we moved to Oregon, and we have been there ever since now." Adison chatted.

I felt my jaw drop slightly because I couldn't even imagine what it would be like to live outside of Whitechapel, let alone even Canada.

"That's so cool! Can you speak Japanese? Or can you speak any other different languages?" I gawked.

She chuckled, "I can speak a little bit of Japanese, and I know French about as well as I know English."

"Wow! Can you introduce yourself in either language?" I was absolutely fascinated with this girl. Adison was the coolest person I had ever met. She was thirteen and she knew three different languages, she had lived outside of North America, she looked too cool to be someone who would talk to me. I wanted to be her friend forever.

She uttered a word that I had never heard before, but she closed her mouth and her gaze directed it to behind me. I suddenly realized there was a looming presence and I looked up to see it was just my own mother.

I watched from behind Adison as her mother stopped in her tracks on the lawn and seeing that my mom was now with us, she made her way over as well.

"Hey Ethan, who's your new friend?" my mother questioned putting her hand on my shoulder.

"Hello ma'am, I'm Adison Montgomery, I just moved in next door today with my mum and dad," the dark-haired girl introduced herself.

"And I'm Jessica Montgomery, her mother," the brunette-haired woman grinned and held out her hand for my mom to shake.

"Hi, I'm Samantha Morgan, I'm Ethan's mom, and it's nice to meet you. You have a very pretty daughter." my mother complimented.

"Oh thank you, you have a very handsome boy," Mrs. Montgomery complimented in return, which made my cheeks heat up.

"So, where are you guys moving from?" mom wondered.

My mom and Mrs. Montgomery began to get to talking. And before I knew it my dad also came outside to join in the talking. We soon began helping the Montgomery's move into their home, and Adison began teaching me a little bit of French. By the end of the evening, we were all very good friends.

* * *

Time passed and those bonds only grew stronger. The Morgan's had made very best friends with the Montgomery's and it was one of the best things to have ever happened.

I watched Adison grow up.

Her hair color changed a couple of times, but her sense of grunge style never changed and she generally looked the same, just as beautiful as the day I met her.

And she has just turned into just a force of nature. She was the entire universe.

She was as gentle as an early morning rain shower. She raged with so much energy and passion like a fire ripping through a forest, making everything bow to it. She was strong and fierce like waves that lapped onto shores.

She was a supernova, explosive with determination and bravery. She was a galaxy, she held so much within her. She was a constellation, so recognizable and distinct.

Adison was almost more than just a human being and I love her.

But she wasn't perfect because of course no one can ever be perfect.

Her fire of passion and energy could sometimes be destructive and too much, she was incredibly protective of me and Benny. Her strong will and fierceness like the waves of an ocean could sometimes drown her in her own ambitions and her own need to do everything herself, her need to be in control. Her explosion of bravery got her into trouble when it came to the supernatural forces that we fought.

But nonetheless, I knew her heart was always in the right place, her heart was drenched in gold and I knew she just wanted the best for her, Benny, and me. And I love her.

I've watched her grow up and I never once stopped loving her.

Over the years we have made beautiful memories and had some interesting adventures.

She met Benny not much longer after she met me, because she had already developed a habit of showing up outside my window and one night when she tried to visit me, and Benny was in the middle of playing an intense horror game, her silhouette had frightened him so much he fell off of my bed.

Benny was not so sure about Adison at first, he thought she was absolutely crazy and too adventurous for his liking. But soon enough he realized that she was just fun-loving and energetic, and of course, Benny being an energetic person as well loved that someone could finally match up to his vibe. And soon enough I realized that I had a lot of energy and crazy ideas to keep a hold of, I knew it was going to be a challenge, but I love Benny and Adison so of course I would never give up on them. No matter how tired I got of their antics.

With both Benny and Adison by my side, starting high school was a lot less scary.

That was until the babysitter my mom hired turned out to be a vampire and suddenly we gained superpowers that seemingly never existed beforehand.

I was the Seer; I could see visions from the past and the future through touching people and objects.  
Benny was the Spellmaster; he could do spells and make potions like a Hogwarts wizard without a wand.  
Adison was the Clairvoyant; she was able to gain knowledge about everything from an extrasensory perception, she also held the power of empathy. She was able to immediately tell what everyone in the room was feeling.

We began to have supernatural adventures together, defeating evil alongside vampires.

Our adventures were almost cut short when Adison's parents decided they wanted to move into the city of Toronto for better opportunities, but luckily with the deep trust my parents and her parents shared, she moved in and continues to live with me and my family.

Perhaps you're wondering at this point if this ever leads to a relationship, Adison and I, and I can assure you it does. But the time period, in which this story takes place, the relationship hasn't happened quite yet.

And now, you're wondering what this story is exactly? I've been listening to this prick ramble on about this one girl for what feels like forever, what does this lead too? Other than what could be a boring, pretentious love story.

I promise you, this is not all about love. In fact, it's about much more than that. But I'll let you know why Adison is particularly important:

Her and Benny were both the potential other parent of my baby.

Yeah, it's one of those stories.  
Still interested? Or are you disgusted? I hope you're still interested, because let me tell you this is one heck of a story.

I won't tell you which one is the other parent of my child, because obviously I'm telling you this story in the past tense and therefore I already know the ending. But I won't tell you, because that would ruin one of the biggest parts of the story.

You know,  
perhaps I should just begin telling it…


	2. And Disappear Into The Trees

It was August, the last Friday in August and the first Friday evening since school had started. We were seniors this year. And the fact that we were not only seniors, but we had already gone through a week's worth of school was absolutely insane to me. Little did I know that this year was actually going to go incredibly slow and fast at the same time.

We were sat on the couch in my living room; Adison was tucked in between Benny and me as usual. The television was playing Chopped of all things, because for some reason as we aged we began watching home renovation shows and cooking shows. I already felt the age 30 and I wasn't even out of high school.

"Guys, we need to do something. We need to fuck up some shit. We're sitting here watching cooking shows like we're 30! I need to feel young!" Addie groaned reflecting my thoughts.

"I agree with Adison, just because we're graduating this year doesn't mean we can't cause any trouble." Benny hummed.

"I do agree that we could do with having a little more fun, but I don't think we need to go cause trouble with anyone." I pointed out.

"I think this is the perfect time to absolutely fuck with everyone! We're all leaving in May, we'll never see any of these people again, what a door that's just begging for us to go through it!" Adison exclaimed.

"She's got a really good point, E." the light-brown haired boy purred.

I pondered it for a second, because to be quite honest, she did have a very good point. And I was also kind of tired of being the good kid. I was tired of being the opposing voice, Benny and Addie always had fun, and it was because they were free-thinking and unafraid.

"Alright, let's fuck up some shit," I declared and Benny and Adison cheered.

"Who are we fucking with then?" Benny asked, rubbing his hands together deviously, although instead of looking anything remotely devilish, he just looked like a dork.

"You know, I'm having a really hard time swallowing that new photography teacher we have, Mr. Jetson. There's just something about him that ticks me off." Adison grumbled.

"No, that's not good enough, he's new and that wouldn't be as satisfying. What about the rich kid in town, Nathan Peters? He's given us some trouble in the past." Benny suggested.

"I agree; fucking Nathan sounds fun, give the kid what he's had coming to him the last four years." I piped in.

"Alright, so, we'll fuck with Nathan. What are we doing to him? I think slashing his tires on that expensive truck of his sounds like a good time." the dark-haired girl planned.

"That's a fair punishment I think for the things he's done," Benny agreed.

"We'll need to be careful though, remember he lives on that giant estate and there's absolutely got to be security cameras everywhere." I warned.

"Oh please, this isn't my first rodeo, its Benny we'll need to worry about. Clumsy ass," Adison growled playfully.

"Excuse me? I would like to point out Ethan can be clumsier than me!" the older boy defended himself.

"And that's why I'm the lead," she boasted, getting up from the couch. "I suggest we grab those beanies, jackets, and face masks from your car, Benjamin." she instructed, with that cue Benny and I also stood up from the couch and we made our way to the door.

Adison grabbed a hold of the doorknob and twisted it open; we were greeted with a disheveled Sarah Fox on my front porch.

"Sarah, what's wrong? What's going on?" Adison's demeanor changed immediately, no longer was she in a playful and adventurous mood. Instead she was fiercely concerned, her hands were twitching and that meant she was on edge.

"It's Jesse, he's back, I haven't encountered him, but I can smell him, he's in the forest on Eden Hill." Sarah breathed.

"Are you fucking kidding me…?" Adison hissed.

I also couldn't believe it, because the last time we had encountered Jesse, we were sophomores. That was two years ago. Why now? Why was he back now? I searched desperately for something in Adison and Sarah, but in Sarah I only found growing concern and in Adison all I found was that fire that I knew meant she was in a protective mindset.

"Well, what are we waiting for? Let's go after him! Maybe we can stop him before he does anything!" I encouraged.

I watched as Adison turned to me, her eyes glimmering with anxiety.

"Ethan, I really think you should stay behind. I have a really bad feeling about this," she murmured darkly, placing her hand on my shoulder.

My mouth opened ajar; because how dare she think that I was about to just wait at home for what? For her and Benny and Sarah to not make it home because they didn't make it against Jesse? Who knew how many vampires he had with him; there was no way I could just stay behind.

"You are absolutely insane if you think I'm just going to sit here and wait at home while you guys go out there and fight." I argued.

"I think you are absolutely insane to think you can go against my word, please, just stay here." she was begging me. She wasn't being demanding…she was begging me out of complete and utter worry. But I couldn't just let them go without me.

"Adison Elizabeth, I can't let you guys go without me, please, let me go. I promise I will stay as close as possible to you. I'll be extra careful. Please, don't make me stay here and kill myself with worry." I pleaded.

"Addie, I really think you should just let him come, we need to go." Benny insisted, his hazel eyes shining with an amount of concern that I hadn't seen in a while. Knowing that Benny was just as anxious as Addie and Sarah was even more anxiety inducing.

I watched as the dark-haired girl's shoulders moved up and down as she sighed. But slowly she nodded her head, "Okay, you can come, but I want you glued to my side."

I too nodded my head; Adison grabbed her bow and arrows and throwing knives from beside the door. And with that, we began to make our way towards Eden Hill.

The forest was absolutely endless. I wondered how many secrets were hidden deep within the forest and I wondered if perhaps the edge of the universe was located here. Since everything nearly impossible and up the wall insane existed in Whitechapel. Maybe time and space ceased to exist within this forest.

But now was not entirely the time to ponder such existential questions.

We tried desperately to not make a sound as we treaded the forest floor, but leaves and sticks made it nearly impossible. Sarah was leading us; with her powerful sense of smell she could lead us right to Jesse.

I was basically attached to Adison's hip. In her right hand she gripped one of her throwing knives, its gray blade shimmering elegantly in the light of the moon. Her knuckles were white as snow. Her left hand occasionally gripped onto my wrist to make sure I was still near.

Soon enough, we emerged into a small clearing that seemed to be smack in the middle of the forest.

"This is where his scent ends, he's near," Sarah whispered.

We stood in a triangular sort of shape. Sarah stood in front of us, Benny stood to the left of Adison and I.

A pair of glowing eyes appeared from the brush in front of us. We watched as Jesse emerged from the shadows.

"Well, isn't it my favorite group of idiots," he chuckled.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Adison growled.

"It's been two years, if anything was that important to you, you would've come back soon." Sarah interrogated.

"Oh, are you kidding me? You don't understand that somethings just take a little time." Jesse sneered.

"Now, if you could just put down your weapons and put away your fangs, because nothing's going to help you with this fight." he threatened.

I listened as Benny shouted a spell and a flash of blue light occurred, there were more. Jesse had a couple of friends helping him.

I watched as Adison pulled out an arrow and load it into her bow before shooting it off into the brush where it hit one of Jesse's vampires in the forehead.

Sarah was preoccupied with a different vampire and I…I was just there. And that's when I felt it. I knew what Adison had been talking about before.

There was something so wrong.

"Run! Ethan, run!" Adison screeched.

And so I did, because what else could I have done? I wasn't built for fighting. I wasn't Sarah; I wasn't a vampire who had superhuman strength. I wasn't Benny; I wasn't some Spellmaster with complicated spells to help defend myself. And I wasn't Adison; I was trained with special weapons.

So, I did. I ran.

And I ran for a good while, it was actually impressive how far my legs had carried me, because I couldn't even hear the sounds of the others anymore.

But then, I tripped.

Because that's what life decides to do with people like me, it just likes to fuck everything up. Although, I don't think the fact that I tripped effected what happened to me.

I knew Jesse would have had to catch up to me at some point.

But I tripped and I fell to the forest floor with a thud. And before I could even begin to think of getting up, a foot placed itself upon my chest to hold me to the ground.

"You were just too easy, my dear Ethan. Perhaps so easy that you deserve this," Jesse proclaimed.

I attempted to struggle for a moment, but I was stopped immediately as a sharp stabbing sensation came from my abdomen. I gasped and groaned at the sudden stinging pain.

The weight of Jesse's foot on my chest was lifted and I was left on the forest floor watching as my vision went from looking as though I was underwater to darkness.

* * *

"Ethan! Ethan!" I could hear it, I could hear Adison calling me, but it sounded as if she were so far away.

"Ethan! Wake up!" I could feel it, I could her shaking my shoulders, but I couldn't open my eyes, why couldn't I open my eyes? And why did it feel like I wasn't breathing? Was I dead?

"ETHAN!" she shrieked and it sounded as if it was right in front of me. That's when I opened my eyes and air filled my lungs again.

"Oh my God, Ethan, you're okay, you're okay. Oh my God," Addie cried, resting her head lightly on my chest. I felt a slight weight on my hand, and turning my head I could see that Benny was holding my hand. How long had they been sitting there trying to wake me up?

"Hey, it's okay Adison, I'm fine. Look, I'm alive, it's fine. I'm fine," I rasped, giving the dark-haired girl a side smile.

"It didn't seem like it! We've been sitting here for ten minutes trying to get you to wake up! That is way too long, Ethan Theodore Morgan!" she exclaimed.

Ten minutes, wow, that was quite a while. Had I been out for much longer? How much longer after Jesse found me did they find me?

"Hey, Adison, calm down, look he's okay, there's no reason to shout anymore. It's okay," Benny reflected.

I watched as Adison sighed, but she nodded her head.

"Ethan, what happened? Did you fall and just knock yourself out? What happened?" she wondered.

"Well, you're not wrong, I did fall…but Jesse came after me…and he stabbed me in the stomach. I don't know if there's wound, but it really hurts." I groaned.

I felt Benny reach and pull up my shirt to see if anything was physically wrong, but he shook his head.

"You don't have a wound or even a little blood, there's nothing at all." he informed.

"Maybe it was nothing, I don't know, but do you think we could go home now? I would love to get off the ground." I murmured. Immediately Benny and Adison stood up and proceeded to help me to my feet.

I stood up and immediately regretted it as a wave of nausea washed over me. I gasped and tried desperately to not vomit all over Addie or Benny or even Sarah.

"Benny, carry Ethan," the younger girl ordered the older boy.

"Adison, I don't think that's incredibly necessary," I mumbled, but before I could entirely protest, I was picked off my feet in bridal style by Benny.

He carried me for a good while and honestly, it felt good to not have to focus on walking and not being nauseated at the same time. But eventually I could tell my weight was becoming a bit of strain and I could tell I didn't necessarily need to be carried anymore, therefore he put me down, but I could feel his and Adison's gaze on me as we continued to walk.

"Wait, so what happened before you guys came to find me?" I asked.

"Nothing really, we struggled against some vampires for a while, but then Jesse came back into the clearing and told his friends to leave and they scurried away. That's when I remembered I told you to run and we came after you." Adison caught me up.

"Are you hurt at all?" I wondered, because in the dark of the night, I couldn't tell if the older girl was injured.

"Other than a few bruises, some cuts on the arm, and a cut on my brow, it's nothing. I'm fine, I'll indeed live to see another day," she huffed with a slight laugh.

I knew she probably hurt a lot more than she was leading on, because that was Addie. She would underplay anything that might worry Benny and I, because according to her "She was supposed to worry about us, we weren't supposed to worry about her," but that's not obviously how things work. But I wasn't going to exactly berate her at the moment.

Luckily enough, we approached the house finally. We said our goodbyes to Sarah, first offering if she just wanted to crash at the Morgan house, but she said she was fine. And so, the three of us walked into the house and found our sofa creases still remained from where we had been earlier. We filled those spaces again, Adison again in the middle of Benny and I again. I leaned myself against her shoulder and she leaned herself against Benny. I felt the light-haired boy reach his hand out to me for me to hold as we fell asleep, and that's how we fell asleep. Just a pile of exhaustion.


	3. Search the Grave while the Camera Spins

I knew from the very moment I met Ethan and the very moment I met Benny that my entire life would now consist of them. They were permanently in my life and I was never going to be able to shake them, but I loved that.

I absolutely wanted to protect them until the day I died. I still do. They're mine, not in a possessive way, as in no one else can ever interact with them. But they're my worlds and they were mine to take care of.

But you know I would never call myself a heroine. I might have superpowers and I might fight off evil forces, but I don't think that really makes me any sort of hero.

And yet when we realized what had really happened to Ethan that night…it felt as if I had the biggest failure upon my hands.

If I were to be written down as a superhero in some comic book, this would have been my falling point.

Even though it was all clearly Jesse's fault, because he was the one with the needle and the serum, I just somehow felt in my deepest part of my soul that it was a tiny part my fault. I sort of knew what was going to happen, I knew that something bad was going to happen to Ethan, and yet, I told him to run away. He didn't stay with me where I could easily protect. I told him to run and hide. And that's not how you protect someone you love.

And now I knew that my life was not even a little bit about me. No, it couldn't be. I couldn't think about me anymore, I needed to tear myself apart to protect Ethan and Benny, even if it meant killing me.

I woke up the next afternoon with my head now on Benny's chest; I could feel that his arm was stretched across me as well as Ethan's because they had fallen asleep holding hands.

As tempting as it was to simply stay there the entire day, the clock ticked saying that it was nearing one o'clock and I was not one for wasting away an entire day sleeping. Therefore I gently released Ethan's grip on Benny's hand and I watched as their arms fell limply to their respected sides. I slowly got off of the couch and began to make my way towards the kitchen.

I stopped in front of the mirror that was in the hallway and looked at the dried blood in my eyebrow hairs from the knife scar that ran right through it. My eyebrow hair was probably never going to grow back in that spot, so thankfully the slit in the eyebrow was a trend. My glasses were filthy, having some dirt and blood caked on them so I noted I needed to wash them in the sink. Everything about me was a mess, but I smiled because there was nothing wrong with that necessarily.

Making my way into the kitchen I cleaned off my glasses like I told myself and then I began making lunch. Mom had errands to do usually on Saturdays and I knew dad had said he was working in the lawn that day too, so I being the oldest kid of the Morgan's excluding Benny, I was the one who needed to make the food.

So, I prepared to make grilled chicken with macaroni and cheese and mashed potatoes.

It was just me for a while, just in the kitchen quietly singing to myself before I felt arms wrap around me and pull me into an embrace, my back now against someone's torso. Of course, I didn't need eyes on the back of my head to know exactly who it was.

"Good morning, Benjamin," I murmured happily.

"Good morning? Adison it's 1:30 in the afternoon, the morning is gone." Benny chuckled, I turned around to face him and look into those hazel eyes.

"Its morning for us because we just woke up, duh," I scolded playfully.

"If you say so, what are you making? Smells good," the light-brown haired boy wondered as he sat down at a chair beside the island that was in the middle of the kitchen.

"Grilled chicken, mashed potatoes, and macaroni and cheese; it's finished if you would like to eat already, it's hot though so be careful." I warned with a crooked smile.

A smaller figure emerged from the shadows of the hallway, rubbing his eyes with his fists; Ethan joined us in the kitchen.

"Good morning, guys," he mumbled sleepily, yawning in the process.

"Aha! See its morning!" I laughed, pointing at Benny.

"Adison, I don't think he knows what time it is," the older boy sighed.

"Is it not morning? What time is it?" Ethan wondered, suddenly a little more alert.

"It's nearly two o'clock in the afternoon," Benny informed the smaller boy.

"Well…fucking shit, which one of you woke up first?" the dark-haired boy asked.

"I did, but I've only been up about an hour before you two and I was making food so I didn't necessarily feel a need to wake you." I pointed out.

"Oh, is that what that weird smell is? I know you can cook pretty well, Addie, but did you make something new? It's…I don't know, it's just a weird smell, it's kind of making sick." Ethan admitted.

I cocked my eyebrows into a quizzical expression; because…I had cooked Ethan grilled chicken before. And nothing smelled weird to me. I turned to Benny and he was mimicking my same questioning look.

"Um, Ethan, do you feel okay?" Benny quizzed, standing up from where he sat. He walked over to the smaller boy and pressed the back of his hand to Ethan's forehead, checking for a fever.

"I mean other than being a little bit nauseated, I feel pretty okay, why?" Ethan answered, turning his head slightly as he looked in between me and Benny.

Benny looked at me and shrugged his shoulders, Ethan didn't have a fever, and then why was he saying he felt sick? Maybe he was just sick and he didn't have a fever…

I narrowed my eyes as I looked at the dark-haired boy, because something here was not entirely right. Something was different, but what…what was it.

"Adison, why are you looking at me like that?" Ethan barked.

"Hm? Oh, no reason, so, you won't be eating I'm assuming." I proceeded.

"Maybe I will in a little bit, I don't quite feel like eating right now, sorry, Addie." the younger boy replied.

"Its fine I'll just put it into the fridge for later," I shrugged my shoulders, indifferent to the current situation, but still intently thinking about what was happening. Because something was just not right, one of us was much different than before, and I could feel it.

I thought the Saturday occurrence with Ethan was going to be the only instance, but I was wrong. Similar instances happened that entire week.

On Sunday, Ethan once again rejected the food mom had made for us, and didn't really eat until later in the afternoon.

On Monday, I awoke from sleeping to Ethan quickly getting off of the bed and rushing over to our tiny waste bin and vomiting into it.

I walked over to him and began to rub his back and run my fingers through his hair, humming softly comfortingly.

"I think you need to stay home from school today, Ethan," I mumbled tiredly as I reentered the room holding one cup with mouthwash and another with water.

"No, no, it's fine, I can go to school," Ethan protested as he took the mouthwash from me, swigged it a moment before spitting it back into the cup and then taking a drink of water.

"Ethan, its okay to miss one day, please for me just stay home and rest. I'll get all of whatever homework you have in any of your classes, okay? Just stay home for me please." I pleaded.

I watched his shoulders move up and down as he sighed, but he nodded his head.

"Okay, I'll stay home today, but please don't force me to stay home this entire week. I'm fine, really, but I'll stay home today for you." Ethan retorted.

"Good, for once you're listening to me," I teased before walking over to our closet, picking out some clothes, and beginning to get dressed. Ethan climbed back into our bed and lay down. After putting on a Bring Me the Horizon shirt, black high-waisted jeans, and my black vans, I turned back to Ethan to find that he was already back asleep.

I smiled a small smile, walked over to where he lay, and kissed his forehead before going to the bathroom to finish getting ready. Once I was finished getting ready, knowing very well that Benny would be here soon to walk to school, I grabbed my phone from our room again, and made my way down the stairs.

Grabbing my lunch from mom, telling her, and Jane, and dad goodbye before going to the front door to grab my backpack and head out the door.

And of course, right on time was Benny, sitting on the chairs we had outside on our front porch as he always was.

"Good morning, Adison, where's Ethan?" the light-haired boy wondered.

"He threw up this morning and so I made him stay home, Benny, I have to tell you I'm really worried about him. I just keep having this deep seeded feeling that something is so wrong, but I can't figure it out and it's absolutely killing me." I ranted.

Because it was absolutely killing me, I had the power to read events and people and objects from an entirely different perception; I had the ability to read everyone's emotions in a room. Why was it so fucking hard for me to understand what was happening to Ethan? I was about to tear my skin apart because it crawled so much with anxiety. I could feel my heartbeat quickening as I continued to think about it.

"Hey, Adison, it's okay, I get that it's frustrating when you can't read something properly, but its okay. Look, when I have free time in class I'll look up a couple of things in my spellbook and see if it says anything. I promise you we'll figure out what's wrong." Benny reassured me, holding onto my hand.

I breathed in and out deeply, knowing that I needed to calm down. I nodded my head, "Okay, I'm sorry for getting frustrated, I'm just so worried. But I'll calm down, I just hope we find out what's going on or I'm going to have to sacrifice myself to Satan." I sighed, Benny laughed lightly before shaking his head and we continued on our walk to school.

I had three classes with Benny and three classes with Ethan, Ethan and I had first, third, and fifth together while Benny and I had second, fourth, and sixth together. And god bless senior year, because we all had reserved periods meaning we got to go home at 2:30 p.m. instead of having to wait until 3:45 p.m.

So, first period which was English was boring and lonely without Ethan. Second period was Astronomy and unfortunately we had assigned seating so Benny and I were not next to each other. We were taking notes and so I knew Benny wasn't going to be able to look at his spellbook. I would have to wait until fourth period which was Photography.

The photography teacher who had taught me the previous year had the incredibly chance to go study abroad in Paris, France with one the colleges. And the other art teacher who also taught photography taught drawing during fourth period, so, we were stuck with Mr. Jetson. Everyone else loved him, but my God, did he rub me the wrong way. There was something about his pretentious façade that just told me he was hiding something. But for some reason, he really liked me and liked the art I produced.

Luckily, Benny and I sat at computers next to each other and I was very anxious for Mr. Jetson to tell us what we were working before heading out to "take pictures" when really I knew Benny and I were just going to talk.

We were given the simple task of taking a photo that we could turn into a kaleidoscope in Photoshop and therefore we were off taking photos pretty quickly.

Benny and I practically ran out of the room, our cameras around our necks, and the older boy had his spellbook in hand.

"Okay, so, I began looking at some things, and I have to say first and foremost that there are some absolutely evil potions you can make. You can make a cancerous potion! Cancerous! There has to be some sort of wizarding law against that!" Benny cried out quietly.

"Are you telling me that Ethan…has…cancer?" I felt my heart catch in my chest.

"Oh no, no, no, that's not what I'm saying. Okay, maybe I shouldn't have started off with that. But think what has Ethan been acting like lately?" Benny asked beginning to open his spellbook.

"Well, he refuses food when he wakes up, but eats later on in the day. He's been a little moody, like he got annoyed with me quicker than he usually does. And I showed him this video of a cat trying to catch koi that was frozen in a pond and he nearly cried? Not to mention he said the food smelled weird when it didn't and he threw up this morning." I began listing off everything I had observed the last 72 hours.

Wait a second…all of these sounded familiar.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, no, okay, look up the fertility potion right now." I hissed, my heartbeat quickening, because I absolutely could not let this be the case.

I watched as Benny frantically went into the F section of his book and quickly he found the fertility potion.

It talked about how the potion could be used regardless of gender.  
You either had to already put a piece of your DNA in the concoction before use, or the person injected or ingesting the serum had to come in contact or avoid contact with anyone within the ten minutes the potion settled into the body.

"This can't be right…" Benny whispered, looking up from his book and down at me.

I couldn't speak, I couldn't move, I couldn't even breathe, because the realization of everything was like a fucking kick to the chest.

This was it.

This was my failure, my biggest and truest failure. I had failed to protect Ethan properly and now his life was so fucked.


	4. You Might Hate My Words

"What should we do about this?" Benny questioned me as we lay in the middle of an open field near the school as I smoked a blunt.

"Well, we have to tell him, this isn't something we can just keep from him. But how can we possibly test if he actually is pregnant? And what do we do if he actually is? Whose is it? Is it Jesse's? Is this some sick plan to have an offspring that can follow in his dark footsteps? Dude, there are just a billion and one question, and I don't think we can answer any of them." I rambled before sighing and taking in another hit.

"You know we could go by the store and pick up a couple of pregnancy tests, and there are detection spells that I could perform. I don't know how we can test who the baby's other parent is, maybe there's a magic ceremony that we could try. But if it's not Jesse's, you know it has to either be…mine…or yours." the older boy pointed out.

I groaned and proceeded to rub my eyes underneath my glasses, but accidentally forgetting I had the blunt in one hand I burned the side of my left hand. It didn't necessarily hurt, in fact, it felt good, and because I knew that the wound on my hand could fix itself. I knew eventually my hand would heal. But fuck this was going to be a hard hole to get out of.

"For goodness sake, if it's not Jesse then I hope to God it's yours, because the Lord knows how I feel about children. Plus you would make a way better parent than I would." I bubbled.

"You say that, but I think you would make a pretty great mother, Adison, but seriously, what do you want to do in the now?" Benny asked me once again.

I sat up, "We should probably go to the store and grab a couple of pregnancy tests. We can do a detection spell too. Let's go," I instructed, standing up from where I sat and sucked the rest of my blunt out before throwing it on the ground and stomping it out.

Benny and I began making our way downtown to the local convenient store. We walked in and of course Wyatt was the one working.

This wasn't my first time getting a pregnancy test that wasn't mine, in fact I probably did it a little too often, but I just liked to help people. And at this point everyone knew I was the person to come to for any dirty work, so, there was no judgment.

I went into the isle to pick up two Clear Blue pregnancy tests while I think Benny went to the candy isle.

I walked up to the counter where Wyatt stood scrolling through Twitter as usual.

"Hey Ad, making a round today I see," the blonde-haired boy commented as he began to scan my items and put them into a bag.

"Oh, you have absolutely no idea," I grumbled, resting my elbow on the counter with my chin resting on my hand.

"Well, I have a pretty good idea, because you reek of weed, you smoke when you're nervous. Anything you wanna lay on me?" he offered, I gave him a crooked smile.

"Dear, that would take me a good two hours that you may have, but I do not. So unfortunately, you will never know what causes my anxiety." I acknowledged.

Wyatt gave me a small smile before walking away from the counter and going to the fridge before picking up a bottle of Budlight Lime, coming back over and putting it into my bag.

"No charge, it's on me," Wyatt chuckled and winked. I rolled my eyes and looked around to make sure Benny wasn't anywhere to be seen, because he would kill me if he saw I had alcohol.

"Thanks, Wyatt, I'll see you later." I bid my goodbye and began looking for Benny in the other isles and of course, he was still in the candy isle.

"I'm done, are you getting anything?" I asked him, he shook his head and therefore we headed on our way back home.

* * *

It was three o'clock, Benny and Adison had reserved periods, so why hadn't they come home yet? Was everything okay? Was there a supernatural force at school and now they were trapped? These questions buzzed like bees in my head.

Venturing out of my bedroom I made my way down the stairs and looked out of the peephole on the door to see if I could see them approaching, but sadly there was nothing.

I turned on the television and flipped to Law & Order Special Victims Unit, trying to pass a couple of minutes as I waited for my friends to return from school.

My anxiety was nearly kicked into overdrive as the clock neared closer to four than three, but luckily a few minutes past 3:30 the door opened and familiar loving voices filled my home again.

"Benny! Addie! I've missed you guys, how was school…hey, why do you two look so worried..." my happy demeanor immediately melting as I noticed the darkness in Adison's and Benny's eyes.

"Ethan…" Adison's voice was filled with so much defeat, but why? Why was she so sad? What was going on?

"There's something we need to talk to you about," Benny finished for her, his face held the same solemn look.

"Guys, what the fuck you're scaring me, what happened? Is someone dead?" I could feel my heart creeping up into my throat as I spoke.

"Ethan, do you remember what you said, that when Jesse came after you it felt like he had stabbed you in the stomach?" the dark-haired girl remembered as she was leading me over to the couch where we all sat down.

"Yeah, I do, why?" I cocked my head to the side slightly, trying to search for something in Adison's face that was the least bit comforting, but there was absolutely nothing of that sort.

"Well, Benny and I figured something out and we think… - Adison paused for a long moment, she looked as if she were about to faint, but she breathed deeply and continued finally – we think it was a fertility serum that he injected into you and now you're…pregnant."

And that's when I felt the whole world sink beneath my feet.

No, there was absolutely no way. I couldn't possibly be…that. I was a boy. Not even a transgender boy; I was indeed a boy inside and out. And even if I was actually, there was no way I could ever keep the baby. I wasn't about to expect either Benny or Adison or both of them to just drop their lives so that they could help me. If I was pregnant now, then I would have the baby in April which was far too close to graduation, would I even be able to graduate? Holy fucking shit, I couldn't do this.

"No, no, you're fucking with me. You guys are fucking with me. This is impossible! There's absolutely no way!" I hissed, a mixture of anger and apprehension boiling in my blood.

"Ethan, why would we joke about something like this…?" Benny lamented, I looked over at the light-haired boy and the seriousness of his face shocked me. I have known Benny since we were six and I knew he was a horrible liar, so, I knew that this was all for real. They weren't even the least bit messing with me.

"Look, we'll only know how real this is if you take these." Adison mumbled, she reached into the plastic bag she had been carrying and handed me two Clear Blue pregnancy tests.

I took the boxes from her hands and held them in mine. I didn't want to take them. I didn't want to know that Benny and Adison were probably right. But I looked in between my two companions and in Addie I could see that she was completely torn inside, it looked as if she had nothing left inside of her. And in Benny I saw the utmost concern, I saw sorrow and regret.

"Okay, okay, I'll be right back," I whispered as I got off the couch, I placed a kiss on top of Addie's head and gave Benny a tight hug before walking off into the bathroom that was right next to the kitchen.

I had seen the movie Juno, the one with Michael Cera and Ellen Page, because that was one of Adison's favorite movies. So, I had a semi-understanding of how the whole peeing on the stick and waiting for it to work.

The boxes said that it would take up to three minutes for a reading, and by God, those minutes sitting on my bathroom floor were the longest minutes of my entire life.

I put my head in between my knees because thoughts came flooding in to my mind and I was drowning.

If this was all real, if Benny and Adison were right, what was I going to do? Could I…abort the baby? That thought made my stomach churn, because although I believed that people had the right to do whatever they wanted with their bodies, I couldn't bear to think of myself in that position. What about adoption? That didn't seem as terrible as abortion. But still even that thought was uneasy to me.

But then it hit me.

Jesse had been the one who struck me with the needle that carried the serum. Did that mean…the baby was his? I stood up quickly and grasped onto the skin because that thought made me nearly sick. I dry heaved for a moment before sinking into the cold floor again.

I couldn't keep the baby if it was Jesse's. I don't even think I could look at the baby if it was Jesse's. The likelihood it would have some sort of noticeable feature of his or even the likelihood the baby would be a goddamn vampire was high, and I knew I couldn't deal with that. It would kill me.

 _"You were just too easy, my dear Ethan. Perhaps so easy that you deserve this,"_

That's the sort of thing you hear rape victims talk about. They talk about how their attackers tell them they deserve it. But I began to wonder…did I really deserve it?

I noticed a difference in the objects I held in my hand, and I realized that three minutes had passed by. I looked down and…

There they were those two little blue plus signs.

And I was crying. I didn't even realize I was crying until I rested my chin on my pant leg and my jeans became wet from my tears.

Shaking I stood to my feet and exited the bathroom, I reentered the living room where Benny sat on the coffee table in front of the couch with a contemplative expression while Addie had sunk herself more into the couch, chewing on her fingernails.

The light-haired boy was the first one who noticed me and he stood up, his hazel eyes glimmering; I walked over to him, dropped the tests on the coffee table, and threw myself into Benny's arms.

At this point I was sobbing.

"I don't know what I'm going to do, I don't know what I'm going to do," I gasped, trying desperately to get enough air into my lungs.

"Its okay, Ethan, I promise you, we're not going anywhere. We're going to be here for you, always." Benny murmured into my hair before kissing the side of my head.

I felt Benny lead me over to the couch where I knew Adison was and I threw myself into her arms as well. I buried my head into the crook of her neck and cried.

She rubbed my back and Benny ran his hand through my hair, Addie hummed the familiar tune she always hummed when I was sad.

We stayed like that for a while, I'm not entirely sure how long, it kind of felt as if it were eternity, but even though it felt as if the entire world was crashing down upon me. I was glad that I had Adison and Benny beside me. They were everything to me and while I was crushed that I knew I was about to wreck all of our lives, I didn't want anyone else beside me.

My crying stopped soon enough and I was finally able to pull back and look at Benny and Adison, both looked incredibly exhausted.

Addie grabbed my face and I looked into her blue-green/hazel eyes that were full of love.

"You're going to be okay, okay? Benny and I are here, and I promise you, you are going to be my entire life now. I won't ever let anything bad happen to you again." she apologized.

"But I don't want that…please don't put your lives on hold just because of me, promise me you'll still take care of yourselves, I don't want to be a burden." I interjected.

The dark-haired girl simply stroked her hand across my face gently with a sad smile on her face and didn't respond to me.

"Benny, what is the fertility potion's description?" I wondered, turning towards the older boy who was still sat to the left of me.

"Well, the fertility potion can be ingested or injected, and either…Jesse would have had to fused his DNA into the serum or the baby is whoever you first came into contact with you ten minutes after the potion settled in you." he informed me.

"So…the baby…if not Jesse, then it's either yours or Adison's," I deducted, turning my head back and forth looking in between my friends.

Both of them nodded agreeing that my deduction was correct.

I looked into Benny's hazel eyes and I saw a baby with little hair but dark hair like me with those beautiful greenish brownish eyes that Benny had. I looked over to Adison and I looked into the prettiest eyes I had ever seen in my life and I imaged a small baby with a full head of dark hair that looked red in the light like hers and those eyes…what would they look like? Perhaps completely dark like mine or maybe they would have blue eyes considering one of her eyes was blue.

Having a baby with Benny or Adison was a hundred and ten percent better than having a baby with…Jesse. But we were just kids ourselves.

"How do we test to see who the other parent is? Is there a spell or something?" I asked, feeling my skin crawl at the thought of who it was.

"There is a thing called a CVS where they stick a needle into your abdomen or where the womb is to test for DNA which can be done at 10 and 13 weeks of pregnancy. That's the normal human way," Adison explained.

"I can always look to see if there is a detection spell, do you want me to do that now?" Benny pondered.

"No, no, not now, that's okay, I've…really had enough shock put into my system for the next ten years. It can wait." I rejected.

We settled into a silence that wasn't entirely comfortable but it wasn't entirely uncomfortable. Soon enough we moved from the couch to mine and Adison's bedroom where we could be in peace in a more intimate, enclosed setting.

Of course all we did was fall asleep, well, Adison and Benny did. I couldn't even begin to think of sleeping, my mind was racing with every thought possible.

And I knew that was going to be the case for a while.


	5. Can You Drink All My Thoughts?

There was a possibility that Ethan was pregnant with my baby. God, what a weird fucking sentence that is, but that is by far one of the most impossible things to have occurred. Vampires, sure, plausible, there's always a possibility that supernatural entities exist like aliens and Bigfoot. But a boy being impregnated by another boy and neither boy was transgender? It was just a really fucking weird thing to think about.

Not that I was disgusted by Ethan in any sort of way, Ethan was going to be my very best friend until the day we cease to exist, and I was going to go through this with him. I loved Ethan, in a platonic way, in a romantic way, in absolutely every way you could ever love a person, I loved him and nothing was ever going to change that for me.

Lying in Ethan's bed with my eyes closed I began to visualize a child that was the combination of him and I.

Perhaps it would be a baby girl with light brown hair like mine and Ethan's big dark brown eyes, with a name like Olivia or Emily. Or maybe it would be a baby boy with dark hair like Ethan and hazel eyes like me, with a name like Evan or Daniel.

My thoughts were interrupted by a small voice in the back of my head telling me that the baby was probably not even mine…that it was probably Jesse's. And my blood began to boil.

How could someone just do something so goddamn horrible to another human? Who thinks they have the control over someone's body like that? What a fucking scumbag, I hoped to God that I encountered Jesse again so I could kill him.

Then there was another tiny voice telling me that the baby was probably Adison's.

Adison was a beautiful girl. I could picture a baby girl with hair as dark and thick as Adison's with bright blue eyes like the blue eye Adison's right one. A baby boy with hair that laid the same way Ethan's did and one eye that was as dark as his and another eye hazel.

I loved Adison and I loved Ethan, but there was something inside of me that kind of hurt at the thought that the baby was Adison's instead of mine.

It wasn't that I knew even a lick of knowledge on how to take care of a tiny child, but something about the idea of having this incredible responsibility with Ethan was…appealing, comforting.

Ethan and I had been best friends since we were six, and of course, at the age of six you can't necessarily comprehend the idea of someone being so important so it did take us a while to see that we could no longer exist without the other one.

But when Adison came to Whitechapel and moved next to Ethan, it was like an immediate bond. When I came over that day when I met Adison, Ethan was talking about her beforehand and he was talking about her like she was everything. And I remember that I didn't take too kindly to her at first because admittedly I was jealous of her and I felt threatened.

I didn't want someone to just waltz in and take my place. I didn't want Ethan talking about someone like that unless it was me.

I didn't even know if he did talk about me like that.

And you know why, it's because we're guys, and we don't express our emotions as openly. I know that sounds like our masculinity is fragile, but it's not that, I can assure you Ethan and I have little masculinity to even begin with, it's just we don't ever get around to it. It's not a topic of conversation we worry about.

But deep down I do worry about it.

I wish I could say now with full confidence that I wasn't the least bit jealous of Adison. All the attention she got from Ethan, but I knew that it was my own fault I didn't get as much attention. It's because I didn't coddle the younger boy as much as she did. I didn't express my love as much as she did. And as much as I wanted to, I felt trapped. I was in a steel cage that allowed me to reach out and barely grasp Ethan, while Adison was a free little bird. And I hated it. I really hated it.

But I knew I needed to get out of that cage soon, because Ethan was going to need my emotional support. He was going to need a lot of love.

And I was going to need to be less reckless. I was going to need to mature a whole fuck ton. I couldn't be as careless and adventurous now, I had so much to lose, and I didn't need my stupidity and childish whims to get in the way.

I wondered what Adison was going through in her mind. There were times when she was just like me, when she wanted to go out and have fun, stir up some trouble. Did she know she couldn't be like that anymore? But then again, Adison was a lot more mature than me. Adison was parental and protective, she was strong and fearless, and she was going to kill herself if it meant she saved Ethan and me. And I didn't have that kind of blood in my body. I wasn't fearless; I wasn't strong enough to protect her or Ethan.

Maybe Adison was fit to be the other parent than me…even though I didn't want that to be the case.

I opened my eyes, because lying with them closed and thinking was not helping me sleep in the slightest.

Ethan's tiny face was the first thing I saw when I opened my eyes. His hair was messier than usual and his lips were slightly parted open. Quiet snores came from the small boy and I smiled because I knew that meant he was in a deep sleep. I was glad he was the one getting sleep. He needed it. I brought my hand up to his face, gently stroking his cheek; I leaned forward and pressed a kiss to his nose before murmuring,

"I love you, Ethan."

Oh, how easy it was to say your feelings in the dead of night. But I also knew there was no chance in Hell that he had heard me. My feelings were always going to go unheard unless I swallowed my anxiety. But anxiety was a pretty big pill.

I shifted my eyes over to the digital clock to see that it was two o'clock in the morning, and it was Tuesday. School was tomorrow and I was probably going to have a sleepless night. I sighed.

Then I noticed that a presence was gone in the bed, I looked over to see that Adison was not on the other side of Ethan where she had previously been. Where did she go?

Slowly I sat up in bed and proceed to get off of the bed without waking Ethan.

When success was reached I opened the door and made my way out of the bedroom and downstairs. Adison was not in the living room and she was not in the kitchen. Where the hell did she go? Was she okay?

I walked around to the glass sliding door that lead to the backyard where the deck was, I noticed a small figure sitting in one of the chairs outside.

What was she doing out there? Well, probably smoking marijuana, I thought to myself. But marijuana was not dangerous. It definitely was not cancerous like cigarettes and therefore I did not care if Adison did that sort of drug.

I opened the door leading to the cool sleeping outside world; the smell of the drug was definitely in the air. But God, I wasn't prepared for what else Adison was doing…or contemplating doing…

Moving closer to the dark-haired girl I placed my hand on her shoulder, but she didn't even so much as flinch. She didn't even speak to me.

I noticed that in her right hand there was a blunt, but the tips of her fingers were covered in dried blood and her knuckles were burned.

Then my eyes looked to see that there was an opened and empty bottle of Budlight Lime. And then my eyes found an orange prescription bottle of Xanax. My heart had stopped.

"Adison Elizabeth Montgomery, what the fuck is this!" I shouted, grabbing her by the shoulders, forcing her to stand to her feet, and face me.

I looked in her face for any sort of emotion at all, but I found absolutely nothing. Her eyes were as tired as ever and it was incredibly clear that she had been crying. Her lips were chapped and the dead skin had been picked off until she bled another nervous habit along with her nail picking. Although anger was beginning to build inside of me, I could tell she was miserable, this situation was eating her alive and my heart was indeed breaking for her. But really, I knew Adison was smart, why was she doing this?

"I know what you're thinking, no, I didn't mix alcohol with Xanax, all I've done is drink and smoke weed, I'm fine." the dark-haired girl mumbled darkly.

"But the Xanax is out here because you were thinking about it, weren't you? Adison, what the fuck, you can't be playing stupid right now." I hissed my hands still tightly gripped on her shoulders.

I watched as her eyes narrowed into a glare that was almost glowing.

"You think that's what's happening here, Benjamin? If you think that's what's going on then you're the one playing stupid." Adison growled.

I felt my blood begin to boil, what the fuck was she going on about? How could I not clearly see that she was just being completely reckless?

"Fucking excuse me? How am I the one playing stupid when you're sitting out here contemplating mixing Xanax with alcohol?" I threatened.

"Don't you fucking understand why I'm doing this? I can't feel anything, Benny! I can't feel anything, I can't, I can't see correctly. I feel like nothing is real. I don't even know if I'm really breathing anymore! I wanted to feel something! But I didn't do it, okay? I didn't do it, because I know actually dying from drug and alcohol mixing won't help the fact that I feel like I'm already dead. I didn't do it, because I am smart and I know what I'm doing with myself. I don't need you to come in here and tell me what it is that I'm doing. I know, okay? I just wanted to feel something, I wanted to feel anything…" at her first, Adison was screaming, but as she continued on with her statement, it turned into a whisper. And I could tell that she was defeating herself.

My anger was melted now, but I could not think of a single thing to say. How did someone respond to something like that? How do you respond to something that you have never felt before?

So, I didn't speak, I just brought my arms closer to me and forced Adison into my embrace. Almost immediately I felt her start sobbing.

"It's my entire fault, Benny. I didn't protect Ethan like I should have. I wasn't there for him like I'm supposed to and now his life is so fucked; it's all because of me." the small dark-haired girl cried into my chest.

"It's not your fault; the only one at fault is Jesse. And you have no control over what happens in this life, but everything happens for a reason. We'll look back on this at some point and we'll know why it happened, but right now, we don't. So, it's okay to be sad and scared, but it won't be like this forever. We'll get through this. All three of us; we'll be okay, Addie." I murmured into her dark waves.

She didn't say anything in return, but her crying slowed down soon enough the silence of the night taking over once again.

I began to think that perhaps Adison was not the right fit to be a mother, at least not in this exact moment and who knew how long she was going to be stuck in the deepening grave that was her mental illnesses? She was not a bad person, her mental illnesses did not make her a bad person, and she was great taking care of Ethan and I and even Jane, but an infant? Even she had spoken earlier about how she hoped the baby was mine, because God knew how she felt about children. Adison was just perhaps not ready to be a mother yet. And I was almost scared now to know if it was mine or hers, because what was she going to do if it was hers?

I began to hope a little more that the baby was mine.

* * *

There was a possibility that Ethan was pregnant with my baby and God was I fucking terrified. Not only was this situation already weird, because everything was topsy-turvy and flipped seeing as Ethan was the one pregnant and not myself, but the concept of a baby that needed someone to do everything for it was a concept I was not familiar with. I was an only child and the only babies I ever really experienced were in public places where they were usually crying or screaming. And sure, I knew babies didn't scream or cry all of the time, but they did it quite a bit because that's how they communicated and I had absolutely no idea how to handle that sort of thing.

Not to mention that if the baby was mine, that meant it was half me. And I'll be honest; me, myself, and I were not the greatest of friends.

I was too much. I was too ambitious and I was too adventurous, I wanted to cause trouble too much. I wanted to fight too much, I wanted to protect too much. I wanted to be the one in control too much. I was too anxious, I was too dissociative. I was just too much of a mess.

How could another me ever exist? How could I ever raise something that looked so much like me, when I already had trouble looking at myself in the mirror?

They say you can't love anyone properly until you love yourself, but I know how to love. I love Ethan and I love Benny, I love Sarah and Erica. I knew how to love and I knew how to do it very well. But how can you love something that's almost you when you don't love yourself?

What was I going to do?

I supposed just pray to God that the child was Benny's, because Benny would make a far better parent than I could ever dream of being.

My eyes were opened wide as I stared up at the ceiling as I laid in Ethan and mine's bed. The hours were ticking away, but I didn't feel tired. In fact, I didn't feel anything.

Ever since that afternoon when Benny and I came home to Ethan with our news of what we felt was actually going on, there were just so many emotions. And I had to feel all of them, because that's how my empathy worked. Although we were all feeling similar emotions, there were different intensities and having to experience them all at once was draining.

And so now I felt nothing.

I couldn't see correctly, everything was becoming hazy and it felt as if I were simply in a dream. A bad dream that seemingly had no escape unless I woke up, but you can't wake up if you're not even sleeping.

My mind began to wander and I began to think about if the baby were actually mine.

A baby girl with dark but thin straight hair like Ethan's with blue-green eyes like my right one. Or a baby boy with dark thick hair like mine with my eye condition, except one of his eyes would be dark brown like Ethan's and hazel like my left one.

I knew my body wanted to react to these fantasies in some sort of emotional way, I knew my body wanted to cry, but I couldn't. There was nothing in me.

Then I began to think about if the baby were Benny's.

A baby boy with dark hair like Ethan's but pretty hazel eyes like Benny. Or perhaps a baby girl with light brown hair that curled slightly like Benny's with deep brown eyes like Ethan.

This thought was almost relieving.

My skin began to crawl, because fuck, I was tired of not feeling anything. I needed to feel something. I was tired of not knowing I was breathing, I was tired of not feeling like I was really alive.

And with that I slowly got off of the bed and proceeded to venture out of the bedroom, but not before grabbing my little wooden box that held my blunts. I first went into the bathroom down the hallway, opening up the mirrors which were actually cabinet doors; I grabbed my bottle of Xanax that I had not taken in a long while. Then going down stairs, I went into my backpack where I had placed the beer bottle Wyatt gave me.

My feet took me to the backyard onto the deck. I sat down on one of the chairs at the pretty glass table; setting down the items I brought with me.

I dug into my box for a blunt already rolled and my lighter; I stuck it in between my teeth, and lit it. Immediately began breathing in the smoke and a hint of relaxation hit me. But I could feel something.

Then I twisted off the cap of the beer and resting the blunt in between my fingers, I took a big swig of the alcohol. Of course the beer tasted as bitter as ever, but fuck, I could taste. So, my senses still worked. So, I was still somewhat okay on some level.

My eyes drifted over to the orange bottle with my name literally written on it. Something inside of me was begging me to open up the cap and take one. Something inside me was telling me this is how I could feel again. And God, did I want to feel again. I wanted to breathe again.

But I was smart. I knew that mixing Xanax with alcohol could kill me. And I already felt dead, I didn't want to feel dead.

Therefore I just continued to smoke marijuana and drink my beer. Soon enough I was down one blunt and moving on to a second one, and I already finished off the drink.

I didn't even realize it, but I was crying. I was crying and I was glad to be crying, because that means I was feeling again. I could feel again and I was sad. Well, not sad, I was more than sad. I was depressed, I was completely torn inside. Because I knew what pregnancy did to young girls, I could not even begin to imagine what it would do to Ethan and his mental health. And I was furious, because Jesse did this to Ethan. Jesse basically raped Ethan. I was going to murder Jesse; I wasn't going to die until I had killed him for what he did to my Ethan.

And despite that all of these feelings were negative. I was just so glad I could feel them.

Then I heard it. The glass door leading to the outside door was opening. And I knew exactly who it was.

"Adison Elizabeth Montgomery, what the fuck is this!" Benny shouted, grabbing me by the shoulders; forcing me to stand up and face him.

I looked up into those beautiful hazel eyes and I saw their fiery anger. I felt his anger too; I could feel it radiating from his hands that were grasping me. I could see his pupils were searching for something in me. I could feel that he was wondering why I was doing this, why there was a bottle of beer and my Xanax. I could feel his fear that I had actually done. And I could feel his disappointment.

"I know what you're thinking, no, I didn't mix alcohol with Xanax, all I've done is drink and smoke weed, I'm fine." I mumbled darkly.

"But the Xanax is out here because you were thinking about it, weren't you? Adison, what the fuck, you can't be playing stupid right now." he hissed his hands still tightly gripped on my shoulders.

I narrowed my eyes into a glare, because of course, why would he ever understand what was going really? Why would he understand what it was like to be dissociative and to not feel anything at all?

"You think that's what's happening here, Benjamin? If you think that's what's going on then you're the one playing stupid." I growled.

I could feel that his blood was beginning to boil; I could feel him questioning himself on why I would ever even think of doing something like this.

"Fucking excuse me? How am I the one playing stupid when you're sitting out here contemplating mixing Xanax with alcohol?" Benny threatened.

"Don't you fucking understand why I'm doing this? I can't feel anything, Benny! I can't feel anything, I can't, I can't see correctly. I feel like nothing is real. I don't even know if I'm really breathing anymore! I wanted to feel something! But I didn't do it, okay? I didn't do it, because I know actually dying from drug and alcohol mixing won't help the fact that I feel like I'm already dead. I didn't do it, because I am smart and I know what I'm doing with myself. I don't need you to come in here and tell me what it is that I'm doing. I know, okay? I just wanted to feel something, I wanted to feel anything…" at I was screaming, because all of the anger I had felt was spilling out and onto Benny. Even though he was not even all of the direct cause of my pent up anger, but then I was whispering. As my anger washed away it revealed all of my exhausting depression, my exhausted fears and anxiety.

But at least I was feeling again.

The older boy didn't say anything in reply to my monologue; instead he simply brought me closer to him and pulled me in an embrace.

And I started crying again.

I was crying because Benny was right, I was playing stupid contemplating for even a second that mixing Xanax with alcohol was going to help my dissociation. I was crying because this was my fault. I was crying because I didn't protect Ethan, I just told him to run away. I was crying because there was a possibility this child was Jesse's and Ethan was going to have to live with all of these repercussions for the rest of his life. And I was crying because there was a possibility that the child was mine and I didn't know what I was going to do if it was. And I was crying because I knew Benny was just trying to take care of me, but I wasn't the one who needed to be taken care of. I wasn't a priority, I didn't need to be. I needed to be in control, I needed to be strong for all three of us, and I was doing a very poor job of it.

"It's my entire fault, Benny. I didn't protect Ethan like I should have. I wasn't there for him like I'm supposed to and now his life is so fucked; it's all because of me." I cried into Benny's chest.

"It's not your fault; the only one at fault is Jesse. And you have no control over what happens in this life, but everything happens for a reason. We'll look back on this at some point and we'll know why it happened, but right now, we don't. So, it's okay to be sad and scared, but it won't be like this forever. We'll get through this. All three of us; we'll be okay, Addie." Benny responded, whispering into my hair.

I didn't respond, because I didn't know how to. I knew I had no control over what happened in life and I knew it all happened for a reason, but I wanted to know why right then. I wanted to be in control, because I wanted to make sure everyone I loved was going to be okay. So I didn't respond, because I didn't know how to. I didn't know how to agree with that statement, because my body and my personality wouldn't let me.

I stiffened in Benny's embrace, because I felt it, the presence of another person.

"Benny? Adison? What are you guys doing out here?"

* * *

I woke up at four o'clock in the morning to neither of my friends being in the bed with me. My fear spiked immediately, because God knew that Benny and Adison were stirrers of trouble, so what had they gotten themselves into now? I thought to myself.

Swinging my legs over the side of the bed, I stood to my feet, and ventured my way out of the bedroom. Nothing seemed disturbed as I walked downstairs and observed the living room. I looked out of the window to see if they were on the front porch, but they were not. I moved into the kitchen and found that they were not in the kitchen either.

That's when I saw Benny standing outside on the deck in the backyard.

I opened the glass door and stepped out, the light-haired boy immediately turning around which revealed that Adison was with him.

"Benny? Adison? What are guys doing out here?" I questioned.

The two older individuals shared looks with one another, the kind of look they gave each other when they wanted to tell me the truth, but they didn't at the same time.

I looked over at the table behind them and saw Adison's marijuana box, a bottle of empty beer, and…Adison's Xanax…

"Adison Elizabeth, what the hell is that?" I asked, anger and concern beginning to itch at my skin. I pointed over to the beer bottle and Xanax.

"Listen, I know what you're thinking, but one: Benny already scolded me and two: I didn't do it. I didn't mix my Xanax with the alcohol, its fine, I'm fine." Adison defended herself.

"No! That's not fine, Adison!" I hissed I watched as she flinched for a moment before cocking her eyebrows into a confused facial expression before straightening up herself as if getting ready to attack me.

But she didn't respond, so I continued:

"Do you know how incredibly insensitive, stupid, and selfish it is to even think about doing something like that? You were basically contemplating suicide, because if you had done that it would have killed you! Do you know how selfish that is? I need you in my life right now more than ever. You say you want to protect me; well you kind of need to be alive to do that. You're not thinking clearly Adison, and you know what, I get that. It's a really stressful time right now for all of us, not just me, and I get that. But for the love of God or whatever deity is out there, don't ever think about doing something this stupid again, okay? I love you and I need you here." I retaliated.

At first, Adison held no facial expression, only a cold and blank stare. But then she stepped forward towards me and wrapped her arms around me. She rested her head on my shoulder.

"I promise I'll be better, Ethan, okay? I promise I'll be better, for you, for Benny. I'll be better." the dark-haired girl sympathized.

And I believed her. I knew Adison's heart was dipped in gold, I knew that from the very first moment I met her. But something inside my body told me I needed to look out for her now more than ever. Something was telling me that this was about to be incredibly difficult for her. But of course, I wasn't going to give up on her. I was never going to give up on her.

Then there were more arms wrapped around me and I looked up to see Benny's chest was now on the other side of Adison's body and right in my line of sight.

One of the things I kept thinking about was if the baby wasn't…Jesse's…then which one of my best friends was the other partner.

I loved Adison and Benny equally, they were two of the most beautiful people in my life, and I would not be able to continue my life without either one. And with all honesty, I didn't care which one was the other parent, because I would happily raise a child with Benny or Addie. I just wondered how much it was going to our friendships with one another.

I hoped it didn't change anything.

After sharing an embrace for a good moment or two, we traveled back through the house and back up to the bedroom where we all laid down once again, but none of us went back to sleep. We simply stared at the ceiling and talked, talking about everything and nothing all at once.

It was the most normal I had felt in the past four days. And it felt great.


	6. Tell Me What Your Worst Fears Are

The next day at school was an interestingly hard one and not just because we hadn't gotten much sleep the previous night.

After staying up for another hour or so after the incident outside talking and staring up at the ceiling, we eventually fell back asleep, but of course it seemed like only thirty minutes had passed when the seven o'clock in the morning alarm began sounding off.

I opened my eyes slowly; the first thing I saw was the digital clock that also told me what the unfortunate time was. I moved from on my side onto my back and stared up at the ceiling. My high was gone because there was no longer an elated feeling, I knew alcohol was technically still in my system because it had not been eight hours, but I knew what my intake of alcohol was and one beer was a lightweight's game. So, I felt alright for the most part.

Sitting up finally, I swung my legs over the edge of the bed, and made my way out of the bedroom to the bathroom to brush my teeth and hair.

As I brushed my dark wavy hair that I had realized was completely past my shoulders after brushing my teeth I stared into my own eyes, except something was different. I knew the person in the reflection of the mirror was supposed to me, but it didn't look like it was me. Or it looked like me but something had changed and it wasn't completely me anymore.

This was not the first time I had looked into the mirror knowing it was me, but I couldn't recognize myself. But this time it was different, it didn't make me anxious like it had before. It didn't give me the same despairing feeling it had before.

I shook my head at myself before making my way out of the bathroom and back into the bedroom. As I entered the room it was almost immediately that Ethan sat up from where he lay, jumped out of the bed, and rushed over to the tiny garbage can again to throw up. And with that I turned around and went back to the bathroom to get a cup of mouthwash and a bottle of water.

Ethan was dry heaving when I reentered the room. I sat the cup and bottle down on the nightstand; walking over to the dark-haired boy, I rubbed his back gently until he was done. He sat down on the floor with his back pressed up against the wall, his eyes looking as tired as ever.

I held out the glass and the bottle to him; he repeated the routine he had done the previous day before handing me back the containers which I sat down next to his keyboard on his desk.

"Are you sure you feel okay enough to go to school?" I wondered, bending down slightly and brushing his bangs to the side a bit.

"I mean I still feel slightly nauseated, but really, I can't be missing school because of this. I know plenty of girls who have been…pregnant and they've come to school with morning sickness I'm sure." Ethan sighed.

"Oh, I know, but I just don't want you to strain. What's normal for us girls to feel might not be the same normal for you, we don't even know how this whole pregnancy thing is going to work for you, and we have no idea if these symptoms are going to take more of a toll on you. We really need to go to Benny's grandmother," I thought out loud.

"Speaking of which…" I murmured before turning around and looking at Benny who was still fast asleep while the clock was itching closer to eight than seven. I walked over to the bed, grabbed one of the pillows, and proceeded to smack the light-haired boy awake.

"Mm, what the hell Adison, its Saturday." Benny hissed as he sat up.

"Benny, it's fucking Tuesday." I reminded him. I watched as he picked up his phone from off the nightstand where it was charging, seeing that it also said it was Tuesday his facial expression turned from an irritated one to one that was just dead inside.

The two boys proceeded to go to the bathroom to brush their teeth; I got dressed in the bedroom. I put on a dark gray short sleeved crop top with dark blue high-waisted jeans with my black and white vans. I then simply sat down on the bed and flipped through different social media apps, liking Instagram posts and going through Snapchat stories until Ethan and Benny returned from the bathroom.

And of course it took them little time to put on suitable clothing, because their looks were effortless. They didn't need to fix their hair that much and they didn't need to spend a good few minutes looking at their options for outfits. They just looked cute in general.

Once they were done getting ready, they both flopped down onto the bed with me where I laid and got as close to me as possible on either side of me.

"Is this your guys' way of telling me you're ready to go?" I asked with a side smirk.

"I mean, I thought this was us expressing our affection and love for you, but we should probably get going also." Benny pointed out.

"Well then, let's go," I told them but before we got off the bed, the two boys pressed kisses to both of my cheeks which made my cheeks turn a blushing color. Of course we all often expressed love to each other, but I mean Ethan and Benny could kiss me a million times and I would probably ask them to kiss me a million and one more times afterwards.

The three of us made it down the stairs, Ethan and I went to retrieve our sacked lunches from mom, bidding our family goodbye before heading out the door to school.

As we walked our way to school, Benny had pulled out his spellbook to begin looking to see if we could detect who the other parent was.

More so than ever after my breakdown earlier that morning, I knew I absolutely wanted the baby to be Benny's. I just was not capable of taking care of another living thing at the moment.

"Okay, so, I can make a fertility potion and I can use a detection spell to know the gender of the baby, but for God's sake I can't know the other parent of my child because I am not a professional medical wizarding provider? What kind of absolute bullshit is that," Benny grumbled before slamming his book closed and shoving it back into his backpack.

"Well, to be quite fair, if the normal human way is to stick a needle through the abdomen to collect samples of DNA that has to be performed by a doctor, then I can't imagine that the way magic individuals do it would not require some sort of medical training." I speculated.

"And if we're being honest, Benny, you have fucked up a fair few things." Ethan recalled, patting his light-haired friend on the back.

"Well fuck you too, Ethan." the older boy huffed as he stuck out his tongue.

"Hey, be nice to one another," I playfully scolded.

"No, fuck you too, Addie." Benny hissed but his face was lifted into a smirk so I knew he was joking; I shoved him aside making him fall off the sidewalk.

Soon enough we made it to Hell and we walked into the building to head to our lockers which were thankfully all right next to each other.

Rory, Erica, and Sarah joined us too. Rory attempted to come up from behind me and scare him, but because of my powers I knew where everyone was at all times. And he was disappointed when I held my hand up telling him to stop when he was about ten feet away from me. Erica and Sarah came up from where Ethan stood which was right in front of me.

"Ethan you're back! Do you feel any better?" Sarah smiled, her dark eyes glimmering.

"Yeah I do, thank you for asking," Ethan beamed. I remembered when we all met Sarah and a few days later the dark-haired boy told me he had a crush on her. For some reason that did not last long and he never pursued anything with her. It was kind of weird, but I didn't think much about it.

"You don't even look like you've been sick, you look…glowy. Like you have done a really good face mask before you came to school." Erica observed.

"Is…is that a compliment?" the dark-haired boy wondered, tilting his head to the side a bit in questioning.

"Did it sound like an insult?" the blonde-haired girl scoffed, flipping her long hair back over her shoulder.

"Well, this is definitely a dream; Erica doesn't compliment anyone besides Sarah, Adison, and herself." Benny chimed in.

"Maybe if you boys put in a little more effort into what you look like I would compliment you more," she defended, rolling her eyes as well.

"Nope, never mind, not a dream, definitely is the same Erica." the older boy backtracked on his previous statement. Erica's lips turned into a smirk.

"Hey, Adison, can I speak to you for a moment…" her voice died away as the sound of the bell signaling the start of school sounded from above. I gave her a small, sad smile.

"We can talk later at lunch, or you can always just text me if you need to." I proposed before our group said our salutations to one another and headed off to class.

Ethan and I of course had English together; our teacher didn't have assigned seating so we got to sit together and talk a bit. Not much was happening in English, we took a vocabulary quiz, and we were still talking about the summer reading we had done.

And the same thing happened in Astronomy, we just did a lab where we were "testing" how differently dense meteors caused differently sized and depth craters in surfaces of planets.

In Math we were just going over something about fractions before doing an assignment which I had to of course ask Ethan's help with, because math was not my subject and fractions made it even more difficult.

Then we had Photography, which granted was one of my favorite classes besides Astronomy and Psychology. But it definitely was not the same without my previous art teacher.

And that day in Photography something strange happened.

Once Mr. Jetson had finished calling out names for the roll, we were instructed to gather around the small set up in our classroom; one of the kids turned out the lights like he was told.

The set up was simply one of the stools in front of a black sheet backdrop with one of our big professional lights turned on.

"Now, today class I'm going to be showing you how the different positions of a light can completely change the shape of the face. I'm going to need a model…ah! Yes! Adison come be my model." Mr. Jetson declared.

I looked up at Benny who was stood beside me and gave him a grimaced look, I hated when Mr. Jetson used me as a model. I had absolutely no idea as to why he took such a liking to me. I wasn't overly nice to him or anything, but for some reason he really liked me and that concept made me uncomfortable.

But regardless, I walked up to the stool and sat down. I watched as he began moving the light around and explaining to everyone what this sort of lighting was called and all of that. The class was a combination of an AP class and a Pre-AP class, and I was sure he was simply using this as a refresher/teaching the younger ones about how important lighting was. So, he did this a couple of times before finally moving the object to one position and beginning to get his camera ready.

"Okay, Adison, now sit up straighter. Yes, good, now, don't just look at me so blankly give me a little smile or something…yes, perfect, thank you." the way the older brunette-haired man spoke to me itched its way up my spin.

He positioned the camera the way he wanted it before snapping a picture. Except the sound of the camera shutter opening and closing sounded as if it was much more distant.

And that's when it happened.

 _We were no longer in our Photography classroom. This room was made up entirely of concrete, from the ceiling to the walls to the floor, it was all concrete. Beneath me was a white tarp; around me were much more expensive lights than the ones we owned in the class. And to the right of me there was a cart with…what looked to be medical equipment…but I couldn't exactly make out what was there._

 _"Where are you looking at? Look here!" demanded Mr. Jetson's voice, I felt him roughly grab my jaw and yank my head so that I was looking at him._

 _I was shocked. What was he doing? Who did he think he was to be talking to me like that?_

 _His face was replaced with a camera in his hands as he began talking pictures of me, flashes going off were blinding and my ears began ringing. But all I could do was what Mr. Jetson. I couldn't move my arms and I couldn't move my legs._

 _Where was I? What was happening? What was this a vision of? Was this even a vision at all? Why was I having visions?_

 _"Adison Montgomery, you are by far the most beautiful girl I have ever photographed." Mr. Jetson purred, walking up to me once again, but this time he gently moved my face with his hand. Why was he talking to me like this?_

"Hello, Earth to Adison?" I heard Benny's voice this time, and it felt like as if I had just reopened my eyes. I was in the photography room and Benny was the one standing in front of me this time.

It felt like I had just come up for air after being under the water for a good five minutes.

What was happening even? I didn't have visions. That was not a part of my clairvoyant/empathy power. Sure, I could gain knowledge about anything if I just thought about it. That's how I knew where Sarah, Benny, Ethan, Erica, and Rory were at all times. I could just think about them and I knew what was happening with them. But I didn't have visions; I didn't touch things and have visions like Ethan. So, what had just happened?

"Adison, are you okay? What happened?" the light-haired boy wondered, placing his hands on my shoulders, his hazel eyes shimmered with concern.

But what was I supposed to tell him? I had a vision of Mr. Jetson and it seemed like he was taking pictures of me and I was strapped down to a chair? That sounded pretty fucking crazy to me. But then again Ethan was pregnant for God's sake due to magic and potions…so could anything sound crazier than that at this point?

I still didn't feel like telling Benny. I didn't want to alarm him, especially when I didn't understand what the vision meant.

"I had a vision," I vaguely stated.

"What? A vision…but you don't have that ability, or at least you haven't had it before until this point. What was it about?" he questioned.

"I'm not sure; it was strange, and not very clear." I murmured.

"Well, you just look really shaken up about it, are you going to be okay?" Benny asked.

"Yeah, absolutely, I'll be okay." I reassured him with a small smile before finally hopping off of the stool and going back over to our designated computer desks.

Except I couldn't exactly shake the vision, it was like a dark looming presence that was permanently stuck to the back of me. It didn't help that I was still in the same room as Mr. Jetson who was the main character in my creepy…foreshadowing? God, how, I didn't want it to be foreshadowing.

But thankfully, the bell signaling it was time for lunch did ring; quickly I logged out of my computer and gathered my things before Benny and me swiftly exited the classroom.

We made our way to the cafeteria; I walked over to our usual spot and sat down while Benny went to get lunch. The school food was not great and ever since Stephanie the witch became the lunch lady I trusted the stuff they fed us even less.

I sensed Erica and Sarah heading my way, they didn't eat lunch like I did. Frankly because they were both vampires and they fed off blood. But they did indeed join me, both of them sitting directly in front of me.

We talked small talk as we waited for the other ones to join us. Benny soon enough joined his usual spot of sitting to the right of me; Ethan sat to the left of me, and Rory sat on the other side of Sarah that wasn't occupied by Erica.

"Hey, how are you feeling?" I whispered to Ethan, basically directly into his ear so the others wouldn't hear.

"I feel okay, a lot better than I did this morning," he informed me and I nodded my head in acknowledgment.

The gang settled into a discussion of a topic I could not exactly recall. But I could sense a question radiating off of Erica, and as soon as I felt this, she stood up from her seat.

"I need to go to the bathroom, Adison, come with me?" she asked.

And I remembered that she needed to talk to me that morning, so I agreed to follow her; we talked in the direction of the bathrooms, but instead just began walking down the hallway.

"So, Adison, what exactly happened that night when you, Sarah, Benny, and Ethan encountered Jesse? And don't act like it didn't happen, because I know it did, Sarah told me all about it." Erica jeered.

"Well, of course she would tell you everything, I wouldn't want my girlfriend to hide anything from me either," I joked.

"Adison, the topic of conversation isn't about what Sarah and I get up to together on the weekends, it's about what Jesse did to Ethan." the blonde-haired girl insisted.

I sighed with defeat, it was incredibly clear that Erica knew exactly what had happened, but she was doing the thing where she gets me to admit what's happening, because she knows I have a hard time dealing with reality.

"Well, first we didn't exactly know what had happened. Ethan said it felt like Jesse had stabbed him with something in the stomach, but he sounded very unsure of himself. So, we kind of brushed it aside. Then he said my cooking smelled weird when it didn't to either me or Benny. And he was really moody and picky. Next thing I knew he threw up yesterday morning and I forced him to stay home. Once we said the symptoms out loud, I knew exactly what was going on. And unfortunately, Benny's spellbook as well as Ethan's pregnancy tests confirmed our fears. Ethan's pregnant." I explained.

We stopped walking in the hallway, I leaned up against the lockers, and I felt out of breath. I hadn't actually said it out loud, I realized. That was the first time I had admitted out loud definitively, one hundred percent with the knowledge that he actually was. I had admitted it to myself in my head, I admitted that the possibility of the baby being mine in my head. But never out loud.

Erica stood in front of me with an understanding facial expression.

"It's killing you, isn't it?" she echoed my thoughts.

"He's just never dealt with anything this drastic before, Ethan's just a kid. I have seen so many girls go through the teenage pregnancy thing, wanted and unwanted, raped or consensual. It fucks you up, I can feel their suffering. And I don't want Ethan to go through that same suffering. On top of that, there's a possibility that I'm the other parent. While I thoroughly enjoy the thought of me being the other parent instead of Jesse, I'm not someone fit enough to take care of something that's completely and totally helpless. And I don't know if I can stand to see something that looks so much like myself, I don't know if you've ever noticed this Erica, but me myself and I do not have a great relationship. I don't want that to ruin a life that doesn't even have a chance at really living." I sputtered out.

I was suddenly a heavy rainfall and I was flooding the streets with words that I had been too afraid to speak before. My heart was racing as if I had just come up for air after drowning for so long. And while it did give my lungs a better chance at expanding more, my skin still itched a bit with the same worries. But I knew no amount of therapy or "talking through my problems" was going to help me, because this itch was going to be one that lasted for a long while.

Erica's facial expression of understanding shifted from one of concern to one of what looked to be sorrow. Not just sadness, but a deep sorrow.

"Adison…this is going to be really hard for you to hear. But you have a right to know, so, I'm going to tell you, and everything's going to be okay even though it doesn't feel like it's going to be okay, it will be." the blonde-haired girl reassured me.

But I didn't respond. I didn't know how to respond, my voice didn't work anymore and my hands were shaking. My body knew what was about to happen, my soul knew what was about to happen, but I also knew I didn't want it to happen. It was my worst fear coming true.

"Adison, as a vampire, I can smell the different auras of each person. Your aura doesn't smell the same as Benny's or as Ethan's. But the reason I knew Ethan was pregnant before we started having this conversation, is because I smelled something different about him. He doesn't smell like just him anymore…

She paused a moment, taking in a deep breath and breathing out.

"Ethan smells like a combination of himself…and you. You're the other parent, Adison."


	7. Hold These Secrets Inside Me

I felt the world beneath me fall away. The walls around me dripped away, melting around me leaving nothing but complete blackness. I was levitating, I was weightless. And I was panicking, but it wasn't the kind of panic where I felt the need to scream. The kind that makes me feel like I need to fight to combat the feeling of apprehension, no this was different kind of panic. This was a quiet kind of panic.

Suddenly blackness turned into me standing in front of the bathroom mirror I was staring into that morning. And I recalled the feeling of seeing my reflection in the glass and knowing that I was staring at myself, but also the reflection didn't feel like it was me.

That's when I realized.

When I had looked in the mirror that morning, I was looking at me, but it was only part of me. The person in the mirror was actually…our child, specifically a girl. Long, dark wavy hair like myself and the same eye condition, but one eye was nearly jet black and one eye was bright blue-green. A little button nose and lips like Ethan.

I had been looking at a combination of Ethan and me. My mind had made up my reflection to be what could essentially be our child. Between that and the vision I had in Photography that same day, I was not entirely too sure as to whom I was anymore. I wasn't even sure if I had a genuine perception of reality anymore. Everything was crumbling and oh my God, I couldn't pick up the pieces this time.

What was I going to do? I couldn't…I couldn't take care of a baby. I wasn't even in my head most of the time, I was sporadic and I was just a mess.

But also I was not the only one involved in this situation. Ethan was the other parent, and even just that thought lit a fire in my soul that reminded me just how much I needed to protect him. Just how much my life had purpose when I was with him and Benny, how could I not harbor that same feeling for the child he carried that was mine and his?

I wanted desperately to be able to take care of this child with Ethan. And I was going to protect them with my whole life, my whole soul, my whole being. But I just couldn't do that being as a parent. I needed to do it from a distance.

And that's when I remembered Benny.

Of course I knew that Benny wanted the child to be his. Not only was Benny excellent with children, but he loved Ethan just as deeply as I did. And I knew one hundred percent that Benny was going to make a better parent than I ever would. Benny needed to be the parent of this child. At least until I figured out so much more than what I could figure out in that moment.

So, that's when I decided that until it came time for us to medically find out whom the other parent was I was going to keep it to myself. This was my secret…and Erica's…but I just needed her to be quiet for a little while.

Until then…if asked…Benny was the other parent, not me.

"Hello, Adison? Are you okay?" the sound of Erica's voice broke the weird, vacant simulation I was in and brought me back to reality.

I quickly grabbed on to the blonde-haired girl's wrist and forced her yellow-green eyes to stare into mine.

"Erica, I need you to promise that you will not tell this to anyone. Not Sarah, not Benny, not even Ethan, okay? For a while, I need you to keep this between the two of us." I commanded.

"Adison, you can't just keep something like this from them! Especially Ethan! He's the literal other parent, don't you think it's important for him to know this? You can't just keep this from him, because you're scared." she protested, I could feel anger resonating from in her. But I needed this to be a secret; there was no way around it.

"Listen, I know it doesn't make a whole lot of sense right now, but I really need this to stay a secret. Just for a little while, until I can figure out exactly what's going on with myself and what I need to do to help Ethan without any chance of hurting him ever again. I know that's difficult to understand, it's difficult for even me to understand right now, but I just know that things are breaking and I can't pick up the pieces fast enough. And so I need this to stay a secret." I explained to her.

"Really, Adison, I don't think this is a good idea. I don't think its right to keep this from Ethan…but I'm going to keep this a secret. I'm going to keep this a secret just for now, because I trust you that you will tell Ethan soon. I know you wouldn't do anything to hurt him and you know that you'll be hurting him a lot if he finds out you knew long before him. So, for now, I'm going to keep it a secret, but if I think it's been going on for too long I will tell him." the blonde-haired girl informed me, her eyes had begun to glow but stopped as she completed her statement.

"Thank you, Erica, don't worry I will tell Ethan, I just need to figure out somethings first. But I will, I only have the best intentions for all of us. Please never twist or forget that." I declared. She gave me a small smile and nodded her head in understanding.

The bell above us rung signaling that lunch was over and it was time to head to fifth period, reminding me that we were still at school, and going to class was what I wanted to do the least in that moment.

With that, Erica and I walked together to my fifth period classroom which was Psychology. We hugged and told each other goodbye, our serious topic of conversation still lingered and I could tell that Erica was still hesitant about keeping this newly found information a secret. She was never going to understand why I needed this to be a secret and I wasn't going to make her try and understand; I just was glad she was keeping it to us.

* * *

Adison and Erica didn't return to lunch, and for a moment I was afraid that they had left. But when I walked into our Psychology classroom and I saw Adison sitting in her usual desk that was right beside mine, I was relieved. Yet a question itched at my skin, what had her and Erica talked about for so long? Did she tell Erica that I was…pregnant? As much as I trusted the blonde vampire I wasn't ready for someone else outside of Adison and Benny to know about what I was going through.

The dark-haired girl looked up at me as I walked over to my designated seat, giving a small smile but her eyes seemed sad. There was an unsettling aura about her, like something was wrong except she was trying to suppress it.

"Hey Adison, what happened to you and Erica? You guys never came back…did you tell her…?" I questioned, the words just spilling out of my mouth, I couldn't stop that. I was terrified of anyone finding out about my situation, even though supernatural occurrences were wildly normal in Whitechapel; I was still in high school. I was a pregnant teenage boy in high school and if people ever caught wind of that, good God they would get an absolute kick out of making my life a living Hell.

"Don't worry, I didn't tell her. She just wanted to ask me about what exactly happened that night, because Sarah told her a portion of it. But that's it, I didn't tell her." she answered blankly. I sighed in relief and nodded my head as I finally sat down.

I looked back over to Adison and I was worried. What was wrong with her? She just looked so spaced out and it was as if her soul wasn't even connected to her body anymore. Was she still dealing with the heavy emotions she had been dealing with earlier that morning? Or had something else shaken her? Were me being pregnant and this whole situation just weighing her down that much? Whatever it was, I just hated watching her be this way. I wanted to make it better for Adison, but I knew that a lot of the time I couldn't make it better.

Just as I was about to lean over to her and ask her what was going on, our teacher got up and closed the classroom door signaling it was time to start.

Psychology was already one of my favorite classes; the human mind was just fascinating to learn about because it was complex but it wasn't the kind of complex that made you want to pull your hair out of your head because you can't quite understand it.

But I couldn't focus on the lesson that day. In fact, that had been a cohesive theme in the day thus far. I hadn't been able to focus on anything, because all I could think about was the fact that I was pregnant.

It was all I could think about.

And it wasn't even as if I wanted to think about it, it's just all I could think about because there was so much to think about.

There was still a wall of realization that I was trying to break down. My mind was struggling to wrap around the fact that I was now carrying a child, even though there was already a part of me somewhere inside that accepted what was happening, but my mind was almost denying that this was what was happening.

A part of me was absolutely ready to drop everything to take care of this small life I now carried. I always knew I wanted to be a father, of course I didn't want to become a father in high school, but if this was how my life was supposed to be from now then so be it. I wasn't going to let this situation bring me down; I was still going to be just as strong as before. Even though there was still worry and apprehension that clawed its way in the back of my throat, I realized I had a responsibility now, an incredibly important responsibility, and that lit a part of me on fire. It gave me a sense of being I had never felt before.

But there was also a part of me that was terrified beyond belief. I have fought vampires, werewolves, witches, and so much more but this was by far the most terrified I had ever been. There was a lot to lose at this point and there was a lot I could fuck up real good. Could I even give this baby the proper, happy life it deserved? Did I need to put them up for adoption? Could I live with myself knowing I gave up something that was half of me without even trying? I knew I was contemplating abortion the previous day, but I didn't want to do that anymore. I knew I definitely wasn't going to be able to live with myself if I had an abortion of some sort. But the fears and the worries that buried themselves beneath my skin and made me want to scratch off my flesh, there were so many. And I was just a kid…I was graduating high school that year…could I pull this off? Or was this detrimental to my life? Was this child worth it? I could have made that decision then if I had known who the other parent was…

My stomach still churned at the thought that I had no idea as to who was the other parent, and that if Adison was correct I would have to wait up to ten or even thirteen weeks to find out. My body couldn't handle the thought that the baby was…Jesse's.

It was a thought that haunted me, it was a ghost that was constantly whispering into both of my ears and it was sickening. Although something told me that Jesse wasn't the other parent. That it was either Adison or Benny, but still there was that shred of doubt that tugged at the bottom of my ribs and made my chest hurt.

That was another thing, was it Benny or Adison? Did I want it to be Benny, my best friend ever since we were six years old? Or did I want it to be Adison, the girl who came into my life and basically changed how I saw everything?

I loved Benny and Adison equally, they were both the most important people in my life, and quite honestly I was satisfied with either one being the other parent. But I was concerned that harsh, jealous emotions were going to arise between the two of them when we found out who was my baby's father or mother. Would Adison or Benny act like that? Would they become jealous of one another and would it create conflict? I didn't know the answers to these questions; it wasn't often that I sensed competition for my attention between my friends. I knew when they were first getting used to each other, Benny had been worried that he was going to get replaced with Adison, but of course that was never going to be the case. I had to reassure him that wasn't ever going to be the case a few times and ever since then the two of them haven't had any problems at least that I had heard of.

So much was already going to change, I truly hoped that the bridges that connected the three of us were never going to crumble and break, because I needed Adison and Benny. I needed both of them.

But how would they react to having to become a parent?

I knew Benny wanted to be a dad one day. We've had several conversations about such a topic, and I knew that he wanted at least two kids, preferably a boy and a girl. But when he said he wanted to be a father, I was sure he didn't mean in high school, so, how would he react to being one? I couldn't imagine him being anything other than completely joyful and supportive. Benny was going to be there for me no matter what and I didn't have any doubt about that. He was just kind and caring, he would sacrifice everything to make sure I was okay, and I knew that if he was the father of my baby, he was going to make a great one.

But Adison…I felt as if Adison was a different story. She never really talked about wanting kids or how she felt about them, and that was concerning. If she was the mother of my baby…what was she going to do? Adison struggled with so much; she struggled with herself and her perception of reality sometimes. She was just an anxious but ambitious and protective person, a lot of her traits contradicted, because she wanted to do everything and anything to be in control and make sure things were going the right wat, but at the same time she was sporadic and it was difficult to keep herself in one direction. Of course, I loved her without question, but what would she do if she found out she was the other parent? Was she going to breakdown? Was she going to be even more protective than before? Was she going to feel like this was even more her fault?

I didn't want this to destroy Adison more than it already was. And I hoped that if she did end up being the other parent that when she found out she wasn't going to breakdown and fall into a pit of despair. I also hoped that she wasn't going to get too scared and run away, because if she was the mother then I was going to need her more than ever. I couldn't go through this by myself. I knew she could make a great parent just like Benny, but I needed to accept that she was different from him and it was probably going to take her a longer time to get to news like that. I just hoped she would take it for what it is and come out to be the person I knew she could be.

The sound of the bell awoke me from my deep thinking, making me realize I had spent an entire class period just in myself; I had completely missed everything that our teacher Dr. Wright had been talking about. And I felt bad, because I was a good student and I didn't like to disrespect teachers by not listening to them, but I knew that I could have Adison teach it to me later.

I looked over at the dark-haired girl and she also happened to have her gaze transfixed on me. Our eyes locked and her mouth twitched into a small, sympathetic smile.

"Thinking a little bit there, E?" she wondered softly, her voice was a gentle song and her eyes were quiet waves of an ocean rocking back and forth.

Every time I looked into those eyes of hers, I fell in love again. Everything terrible melted away when we were looking at each other. It was like being in a completely different universe.

I opened my mouth to speak, but she stood up and spoke before I could.

"Come on, we can talk more on the way home, let's go get Benny." she instructed; I nodded my head, standing up and following her out of the room. But not before Dr. Wright could stop me at the door.

"Mr. Morgan, are you doing alright? I never want to make a fool of my students, but you seemed a bit distracted." the older woman pointed out. She was about five feet eight inches tall, about as tall as I was. Her head was only gray hairs at this point and her face was beginning to wrinkle, but she had sickeningly sweet dark brown eyes. I had been in her class a total of a week and a day, and she seemed nice enough. Although I had a sneaking suspicion that she was some sort of supernatural being, not necessarily a threatening force, but she just had that atmosphere around her. But of course you can never just go around assuming those sorts of things, so this was a thought I often pushed aside.

"Uh, yeah, I just have a lot going on in my life right now." I admitted vaguely, feeling my cheeks flush in slight embarrassment.

"Well, whatever it is, I hope you don't bottle it all up, because that's never good." she informed me.

"Don't worry ma'am, I'm okay." I sputtered hastily before sharing a quick smile with her and making my way out of the classroom where Benny and Adison stood outside talking to one another.

I nodded to them signaling that we could begin making our way out of the school building and back to home.

"Ethan, have you thought about…have you thought about what you want to do?" Adison questioned quietly, her words made my heart skip a beat. Of course I had thought about what I wanted to do, but nothing was definitive in my head. Nothing was going to be definitive in my head until I knew who the other parent was.

"Well…yeah, of course I've thought about it…" I murmured, directing my gaze upwards into the bright blue sky, avoiding Adison and Benny's eyes.

"Have you decided what you want to do?" Benny continued. I felt my blood begin to boil and my stare narrow in annoyance. Why were they prodding me with all these questions about what I wanted to do with my baby? I didn't want an abortion so I was to either keep the baby or give it up for adoption, and that meant I had literally nine months to decide what I wanted to do. Why were they so concerned right now?

"Why are you asking me now? I don't want an abortion if that's what you're thinking. So, all I need to decide is if I want to keep them or not, and I have several months to think about that." I snapped, but my anger melted as soon as it had come. And I stopped in my tracks.

I watched as Adison's facial expression turned into a cocked eyebrow and curious eyes, she was confused. Benny's facial expression turned into one with wide eyes and a slightly gaping mouth, he looked offended, and I immediately felt terrible about what I had said.

"I-I'm sorry Adison, Benny, I didn't…I didn't mean to say it like that. Really that's not what I meant." I apologized, hanging my head.

"Hey it's okay Ethan, it's just some mood swings, its okay. I'm sorry if we upset you by asking you, I was just making sure you didn't want to…abort or anything because we're going to Benny's grandmother so she can take a look at you and perhaps tell us where to go from here." Adison clarified, walking over to me and placing her hand on my shoulder comfortingly.

I bit my lower lip in nervousness because I was not ready for someone else outside of Benny and Adison to know what was happening. Even though I knew Benny's grandmother very well and she was usually nice to me, until she of course punished us for creating a mess in the supernatural world, I wasn't ready especially not an adult who was probably going to scold me.

My other shoulder had a sudden weight to it; I looked to my left to see Benny was now where with his hand on my left shoulder.

"Don't worry, E, I know you're worried what Grandma will be like, but I promise you once we tell her what happened she'll be understanding." he reassured me.

I looked in between my two companions, their eyes mimicking the same sort of melodic, relaxing expression. I breathed in and out deeply before nodding my head in agreement. Even though there were times where both Adison and Benny were out of control and messy, they knew when they needed to be there for me. They knew when they needed to be calm for me.

With that we began on our walk again towards Benny's home.

* * *

"Benjamin Alexander Weir!" came Evelyn's voice from the kitchen not even a second after Benny pushed open the door to let us in.

We gathered inside and moved ourselves into the living room; Evelyn made her way from the kitchen swiftly but still incredibly intimidating. The look in her eyes had the three of us closing in together as if we were going to protect each other from Benny's grandmother.

"Benjamin, you stay at Ethan's house without my permission on a school night, you don't even message me or call me to let me know you're alright, just what the hell do you think you're doing?" the older woman scolded the light-haired boy who sort of stood in front of Adison and I.

"Grandma, please, hear me out before you murder me, this is really serious." he testified, holding up his hands in defense.

"What? What kind of trouble have you three found yourselves in this time?" she wondered with narrowed, annoyed eyes; crossing her arms against her chest.

I watched as Benny licked his lips and opened his mouth to speak, but I spoke before he could.

"I'm pregnant," I admitted. These words were foreign in my mouth and that's when I realized this was the first time I had admitted it aloud.

Benny's grandmother facial expression turned into one of shock, her mouth widened and her eyes bulged a bit. But then it was anger again, as she turned towards Benny again.

"Did you mess up a potion and accidentally get him pregnant, because I swear if this is your doing…"

"He didn't get me pregnant we encountered Jesse again last Friday and when we did he managed to separate me from the rest of the group…he stabbed with a needle which contained what we're assuming to be the fertility serum. Well, not assume, because we know I'm pregnant, I took a pregnancy test and it was positive." there was a part of me that while I spoke it was as if the wall of realization and unacceptance was breaking down as I continued to admit my situation, but there was also a part of myself that was about to vomit because as I continued to admit what was happening I felt sick all over again.

Evelyn's facial expression went back to one of shock, but even more shocked than before. And then it shifted into the same sort of sorrow that Benny and Adison had when I had come out of the bathroom with a positive pregnancy test.

"Oh…oh my God, Ethan…I'm so sorry…" she gasped. The corners of my mouth twitched into a small smile, the way people apologized to me about something that was one: not their fault and two: no amount of sorry was going to make okay was almost hilarious. I knew it was people being kind and giving their condolences, but in a realistic perspective to say sorry in this sort of situation meant little to nothing.

"Its okay, Grandma…or as okay as it can be," I acknowledged and shrugged my shoulders; I had really no other idea on how to respond.

"Evelyn, we came here to see if you could check on…the baby, make sure everything is okay and tell us where to go from here, please." Adison spoke up for the first time since we had entered Benny's home.

"Yes, I can do that, Ethan, lay on the couch please." she instructed me, Benny and Adison went to sit on the couch as well. I laid my head on Adison's lap and placed my legs on top of Benny's lap. The dark-haired girl began running her fingers through my hair and Benny placed his hand on my knee.

"Now, lift up your shirt." Evelyn continued instructing me. With flushed cheeks and I tugged up my shirt until my stomach was completely exposed.

The older woman lifted her hands and began saying a spell, for a moment it felt as if a second heartbeat was in my stomach, but the sensation passed as quickly as it came.

"Why is his stomach pink?" I heard Benny question. I lifted my head slightly to see that my stomach was a blushing shade of pink.

"It means he's having a girl," Grandma answered. I felt tears well up in the corners of my eyes I was having a baby girl. It was another thing that made it even more real for me.

But of course there was still that nagging feeling in the back of my head that told me there was still the possibility of it being Jesse's. And the nagging feeling that even if it wasn't Jesse's, should I even keep her? Could I give her a good life?

"Is there a way for us to test to see who the other parent is? We're unsure if Jesse was either smart enough to put in some of his DNA into the serum…or if either Benny or Adison is the other parent, because they both touched me afterwards." I recalled.

Evelyn bit down on her lower lip, she was worried. Why was she worried? My heart was crawling its way up my throat.

"Well, usually, wizarding medical care providers will check DNA the same way normal doctors do. You have heard of a CVS right? And normally that is what we do, but when I say normally that means with individuals who have been born with a uterus. In your case as a male, your baby is now surrounded by a magical uterus and as time wears on that magical uterus will get weaker and fade. Once that uterus is gone it will be time for you to give birth. But this uterus is fragile and so, doing things like a CVS is dangerous to do." she began.

I felt my heart fall to the bottom of my stomach. I was going to have to wait the whole nine months to find out who the other parent of my baby was. How was I supposed to decide anything when I didn't know?

"Now, I have not been directly involved in the medical field for a long time. Things could be different now and we could be able to find out who the other parent is, but we need to ask our family doctor who we need to get into contact with anyway because he will be the one to do all of your check-ups." Evelyn continued.

Alright, so now there was a chance that I could find out the other parent, but my heart was still in the bottom of my stomach. With the way things had been going, there was serious doubt that anything was going to go my way.

"Is she healthy? Is she going to be healthy?" I wondered unconsciously. Even if I didn't know her other parent, she was for sure my baby and I was concerned for her.

"Yes she is healthy, and as long as you take care of yourself, she should be healthy. But I will warn you that magically created pregnancies result in small babies, there's also a possibility she could be born prematurely." I felt the blood leave my face when Benny's grandmother told me this. God, everything inside of me was begging that she was going to be alright.

Adison leaned down and pressed her lips against my forehead. She must have noticed how I stiffened at the sound of Evelyn's words.

"But of course, we can try our hardest to make sure she's born the healthiest she's meant to be." the older woman comforted me. I nodded my head.

It was all just so much to take in and it made my heart feel as if it weighed a ton. I wondered how in the matter of a couple days my entire life was changed and I wondered why it had to be me. It didn't have to be me.

"I'm going to go call the family doctor, you kids can go upstairs and I'll call you down when dinner's ready." Evelyn told us before walking out of the living room and into the kitchen leaving the three of us alone.

I sat up from where I laid on Adison's lap, she immediately lifted herself from the couch; tossing her head in the direction of the stairs saying that we should go upstairs. And we followed her into Benny's room. The dark-haired girl climbed on top of his bed and Benny sat down on the carpeted floor.

And I just stood there in the middle of the room. I didn't want to sit and I didn't really want to be standing. I honestly in that moment I didn't even want to exist. There was so much fucking anxiety in my body and it was choking me. Everything was just incredibly conflicting and I wanted to rip at my hair and tear at my skin until I was nothing. I didn't want to be anything anymore.

My pregnancy was not even the burden; the burden was not my baby. My burden was all of the worry and the confusion about what to do. My burden was the intrusive thoughts and the self-doubt. It was me, it was my fault, and everything was my fault.

I didn't realize it until I felt arms wrap around me that I was crying. Adison was holding me. She was basically supporting all of my weight because I was about to collapse.

Adison lead me over to the bed; I felt Benny climb onto the bed too and the two of them just held me. They were holding me together because I was going to fall apart. Adison hummed into my ear and ran her fingers through my hair while Benny pressed kisses to the side of my head while rubbing my back.

And I sobbed, I didn't want to alarm Evelyn downstairs by wailing, but I was definitely not quietly crying. My chest was screaming in pain from the lack of air going into them, but the pain was almost comforting. It felt so much better to feel physical pain than the emotional pain, because I knew that when I was done crying, my chest wouldn't hurt anymore. And I knew that when I was done crying, I was still going to be struggling and hurting from the emotional pain of my situation.

I knew it hurt so much because I was already in love with my baby girl, at least a part of me did. And another part of me was so shielded because of that one possibility. I was ripped into basically two different people because of the sheer possibility that he was the father instead of Benny or Adison. It hurt because I was still dealing with the repercussions of what he had did to me. It really was like I had been raped, someone just fucking tore up my entire being, my entire sense of being a human all in the matter of a moment. And it sucked. It fucking sucked and it was going to suck for a while. And I had just wished my baby girl had been made under better circumstances. I wished she had a better chance at life than what was presented to her.

The only way to get all of these thoughts out of me was to cry, to whimper, and to basically quietly scream. And so I did, I sobbed into Adison and into Benny. I did so for what felt like an eternity.

By the time I had finished, my voice was completely gone and my throat was raw. My eyes stung a bit and I knew they were red. I just pressed my head against Adison's crook in her neck and just sat there.

My entire existence was basically crying until I fell asleep and it was an incredibly sad and sorry excuse for an existence, but that's how it was and I didn't have enough energy to be anything more at least not in that moment in time.

But Adison's humming and Benny's circular hand motions down my back made even the smallest parts of me feel better that's all I could have ever asked for from them.

There was a part of me that was glad that I was the one going through this, because I wouldn't wish these sorts of emotions on anyone.

And that was my final thought as I fell asleep that afternoon against Adison's shoulder.

* * *

Enjoying my story so far? I hope you are! :)

Do you listen to music like I do when you read a story or even write?

Well, I'm building a playlist that you can listen to as you read this fanfiction! Because in case you haven't noticed, all my chapter titles are song lyrics, I know so original...not

But yeah, I'm building a Spotify playlist and each chapter I post I will update the playlist with the song that I got the chapter title from. I thought some of you might enjoy that! So, message me so I can send you the link if you'd like! 3


	8. Don't You Ever Leave

It was by far one of the most unsettlingly quiet evenings of my life. Dinner was a silent movie, but not the kind of silent movie with hilarious motions to indicate it's a comedy, this was just sad. Of course the way Ethan had previously cried before we had made our way downstairs, it was an understandable sad silence. I couldn't imagine the lack of strength he must have had.

So, there we sat at the table, the only sound being the scrapping of silverware against plates. Thankfully, Ethan ate everything on his plate; I had watched him just to make sure. I didn't want this to have an effect on his mental health so much that it affected his physical health too.

Adison on the other hand did not eat even a quarter of her plate. I could tell how much of a toll all of this was taking on her, her supernatural ability of empathy was difficult I knew that. Not only was she dealing with her own emotions, she was dealing with everyone else's. I wanted to tell her she needed to eat more, that she needed to take care of herself. But I knew Adison wasn't going to listen to me at the moment.

Not to mention that I had only eaten half of my own food, so I knew I didn't have much room to talk. I just already felt so full, between watching Ethan sob his little heart out a mere twenty minutes before and the overbearing feeling of not knowing where to go from at this point, I was just already full.

After having dinner with Grandma where she gave us information about where we needed to go from here. It was a lot of her stressing that we needed to be incredibly careful fighting against supernatural forces; that we couldn't "go looking for trouble now". Even though if it was possible, I would move us far away from Whitechapel, because sure sometimes we did go looking for trouble.

We were a bunch of cats and curiosity was incredibly close to killing us at this point. But living in Whitechapel did not give us any safety. If I could have, I would have moved us far away.

Grandma explained that the baby was currently in a magical conjured womb that was created when the serum was injected into Ethan and she explained that as time went on it would begin to weaken and disappear, when it completely disappeared that's when Ethan would essentially go into labor. A teleportation spell would then be performed to transport the baby from Ethan to the other parent.

Meaning that it was incredibly important for the second parent to be present at the birth, because it could result in both the baby and Ethan dying…

That fucking scared the shit out of me. I couldn't lose Ethan. The very thought of that happening made me want to vomit and brought tears to my eyes. If I lost Ethan I was going to become nothing. I would probably die of heartbreak, because he was everything to me. And without him I would not be able to live. He was the reason I was who I was, ever since we were six he was always with me. He was with me when my parents died that night in the car accident. Ethan was my best friend, the glue in my life, and I needed him. And God…if Jesse was the fucking parent, then there was almost a guaranteed chance that Ethan, the baby, or both would die. No, it had to be me. I had to be the other parent. I could give Ethan the life he deserved, I wanted the best for him and I would do anything to give him that. It just had to be me. I needed to be the other parent.

Once Grandma was telling us all she could inform us of, saying that we would most likely learn more at Ethan's appointment with the Weir family doctor a week from then, the three of us made our way back up the stairs and into my bedroom. We simply lay on my bed; Adison was in the middle of Ethan and me. None of us spoke. At least not for a while, I even watched the time tick away on the digital clock beside my bed.

And then Ethan spoke:

"You know…if I die…I really hope you two don't destroy yourselves…I hope you continue to live the best you can…

That's when something inside me snapped. I don't know if it was the tiny part in me that for some reason was unconvinced that everything that was currently occurring was reality, but something happened. And my blood boiled.

It was my turn to breakdown.

"Ethan, I don't mean to sound rude, but please shut the fuck up. I don't want to hear anything like that right now. You're not going to die. You're going to be fine." I hissed tears were already stinging in the corner.

"Benny, its reality, you heard your Grandma. She said it herself, if the second parent is not present at the birth, then I have a high probability of dying. I'm just accepting it." the dark-haired boy said matter-of-factly.

"No!" I growled shooting up from the bed and swinging my legs over the bed to stand up in the middle of the dimmed room. My nightstand lamp the only thing giving light to the room.

"You can't just accept things like that! We don't even know who the second parent is right now! You can't just say things like that!" I quietly screamed. My hands were shaking and my heart was increasing by the second.

I watched as Ethan slowly rose up from where he laid down on my bed, I expected Adison to respond too, but she just remained in her position on the bed. It seemed she was asleep at first glance, but her eyes were indeed open.

"Benny, you can't just brush these sorts of possibilities aside! I didn't say that to be morbid or anything; I'm just accepting what could be." Ethan exasperated, moving off of the bed to stand as well.

"I'm not though! I don't think you should either! Maybe you should think about yourself before you think about anything else! You know, maybe, since there's the possibility that this baby is Jesse's that you should just…not carry on." I argued.

And then I realized what I had just said.  
I had just told Ethan that he should have an abortion.

Something that I couldn't have a real opinion in, because I was never going to be able to understand that sort of thing; I had no business giving any sort of opinion.

I watched as Ethan's mouth fell open and Adison lifted herself from the bed, her eyes wide and alert. I looked in between her and Ethan.

"That's…that's not what I meant, I'm sorry, Ethan…I didn't mean that…" I murmured it was a futile attempt at stepping backwards. You can't take back what you said. Words are permanent, so permanent.

"Did you fucking forget that there's a possibility that this baby is yours? You want me to abort our baby girl? How dare you fucking say something like that," Ethan barked, his dark eyes were even darker and narrowed into a furious glare.

I watched out of the corner of my eye as Adison got off of the bed, and stood close to both Ethan and I, she looked ready to step in between us.

"Even if this baby is not yours or Adison's, do you know how fucking difficult of an idea that is? I would not be able to live with myself, Benny. I already love her. And I'll die for her, just like I would die for you. Like I would die for Adison," Ethan ranted.

He was right. There was still a possibility that the baby was mine. And never would I want him to do that. I also knew that I could never understand the love that Ethan already felt for the baby. I would never understand. But the more he talked about the possibility of him dying, the more he talked about how he would die for Adison and I. The tears finally fell from my eyes and onto my cheeks.

I looked up through blurred eyes and I could see that Ethan's face had changed considerably. His anger was melted and he was now concerned. The smaller dark-haired boy stepped forward and he wrapped his arms around me; I did the same. I pressed my cheek against his hair and a small sob escaped my lips.

"I just can't lose you, Ethan. I can't, you're everything to me. I love you so much, I can't lose you." I cried, my fists gripped the back of his shirt and his hands ran themselves up and down my back.

"Shh, its okay, Benny, its okay." the shorter boy comforted, he began humming and I could feel it with his chest pressed against mine. We stood there for a while, the tears didn't stop for a long time, but we stood there and it felt relieving to just hold Ethan. In this moment, he was mine. He was here and alive and he was okay. He was mine and I'd be damned if the universe thought it would be okay to take him away from me.

I expected for Adison to join in our hug at some point, but she never did. In fact, the sound of a door opening and closing quietly, and Adison didn't come back until after Ethan and I were lying in bed again. She looked tired and sick, and I opened my mouth to ask her what was wrong, but she simply gave us a small smile before turning off the lamp; climbing back into the bed this time on the other side of Ethan with him in the middle.

And I fell asleep, Ethan fell asleep, and I believe Adison fell asleep. Either way, the night was finally quiet. There was no waking up and fighting, it was just silence that was needed.

* * *

I couldn't handle it. I couldn't stand there and watch Benny cry about the possibility of Ethan dying. And I couldn't stand there watching Ethan shout about how he was already in love with our baby girl and that he would die for her like he would die for Benny and me. I couldn't stand there and listen to Benny say that Ethan should abort our baby girl. Not when I held the secret inside of me.

And so I left the room and went into the bathroom. I felt as if I was going be sick as soon as I entered and I gripped onto the sides of the sink while I dry-heaved for a moment. Of course I didn't have anything to actually throw up, I hadn't eaten all day. Not that I had purposefully chosen not to, I just couldn't bring myself to. I was going to vomit if I ate, I knew I was. There was already too much inside me.

My gaze lifted from the stark white sink to the mirror, and I didn't see me. I saw Ethan, and he was holding our baby girl. She had beautiful dark hair like him and she had my blue eyes. And Ethan did not look happy, he seemed…angry. The kind of angry he had looked moments before when talking to Benny, but it was also intensified.

I shook my head and in the mirror was my reflection. I knew I looked fucking terrible.

The dark circles underneath my eyes were nearly comparable to someone who had stayed up for three days straight on cocaine. My hair was in need of a brushing, it was no longer past my shoulders because the reflection from that morning was not me. It was still its normal shoulder length. My skin was almost as white as the bathroom wall behind me. I knew I looked bad, but I definitely did not have any strength to even think about possibly taking a shower or even turning on the tap and washing my face with cold water.

I felt fucking dumb too.

Here I was in the bathroom basically having my own pathetic breakdown and this wasn't about me. Ethan was the one who had to actually go through all of it. And here I was fucking hiding away, because that's all I was ever good for. I couldn't even tell Ethan the truth that I knew. But I needed to protect Ethan from me and I needed to protect our baby girl. I couldn't be a parent; I could never be the parent I knew Ethan needed me to be. She had to Benny's, she had to be.

My gaze refocused in on my reflection in the mirror and I felt my fist clench as I was tempted to punch the person staring back at me. But I didn't need Benny finding his mirror broken and I didn't need to be bleeding, I needed to stop drawing attention to myself. And therefore I simply walked out of the bathroom and back into the bedroom.

Clearly Benny was aware of how sick and tired I looked, but I simply gave him a weak smile before turning out the lights and climbing back into bed. This time putting Ethan in between Benny and me; the two of them fell asleep shortly, but it took me more than a while to finally close my eyes and find sleep.

* * *

A part of me was still incredibly shocked and angered at what Benny had said. I understood that he was freaking out at the possibility that I could die; it was an incredibly scary and real possibility. But something inside of me just couldn't let go of what he said.

Of course I was split into two different people.

That was becoming a theme, and I was beginning to become worried that I was eventually going to develop a multiple personality disorder with this much contradictory thinking. But one part of me was angry. One part of me could not fucking believe that Benny would ever say something like that, because how dare he say something like that when he can never truly understand what it's like. It was the kind of anger people got when men try to tell women what to do with their bodies. It was listening to someone who never had any sort of mental illness in their life tell you how to not be so sad anymore. It was maddening, it was frustrating. He was never going to understand what it was like to already love someone you had never met.

But there was another part of me. There was a part of me that still knew that there was an entire possibility that this baby was Jesse's. And that there was a big possibility that if I continued with the pregnancy that he wouldn't be there at the birth and that I or the baby could die. That part of me was screaming that Benny was right; that I should have an abortion those nine months of what could be the worst time of my life would be gone in a flash. The baby was a sack of cells at this point. It wasn't someone yet. This part of me was begging me to give in.

Yet, the other part of me knew I could never. God, there were so many possibilities of things going wrong, but something inside me told me that I couldn't just give in. And the baby was already someone to me. She was my baby girl. And even though she could be Jesse's baby, I couldn't hold that against her. She was an entirely different person, and if I could keep him away from her, then she could be someone so much better than her donor. That is if I decided to keep her…I couldn't even bear to think that far ahead.

Luckily, despite these thoughts I did somehow manage to fall asleep fairly well.

Except the morning came with a rude awakening as I immediately bolted up straight out of bed at exactly seven o'clock to rush over to Benny's small garbage can by his desk to vomit. It still burned my throat and I knew it was probably never going to get any easier.

But without fail, there was a hand on my back as I continued to vomit what felt like my entire soul. I could tell that it was Adison, her hand was small and whenever she rubbed my back it was in circular motions unlike Benny who rubbed my back up and down.

Soon enough once I had finished the whole ordeal, I looked up to see Adison's multicolored eyes and she gave me a small smile. Her eyes were not as bright as I had seen a mere month before. I could remember her eyes in the summer. How they glimmered in the sunlight and how they laughed when she laughed. But now, it was like her eyes had never known happiness before. I wondered if she knew she didn't look as fearless and as strong as she used to. She just didn't look good at the moment and I was worried.

Adison stood to her feet and walked out of the room to come back with a cup of mouthwash and a cup of water. She was so good at taking care of me. She knew what I needed; I just could only hope that she recognized she needed to take care of herself too.

The three of us got ready for yet another day at school. Adison and I both had to borrow clothes from Benny, well I could borrow pants and a shirt from him, but Adison had to stick to wearing the same jeans from the previous day. She looked even smaller wearing one of his shirts, she wore a red and blue striped shirt of his that although was a medium in boys looked like a large on Adison. She had to tuck it into her pants to avoid it looking like a dress.

Benny's Grandma had made all of us breakfast, and although I had just vomited I still ate everything that was put onto my plate. I had to; I knew I had to, because I had two people to take care of. She also gave me prenatal vitamins I had to take two once a day. Something about needing to make sure I got all of the vitamins I needed to be healthy and make sure she was healthy.

Then we were on our way to school, we made small talk. Adison and Benny asked if I had slept okay, and Benny talked about a weird dream he had. Adison noticed a cat as we were walking to the school and attempted to get it to come to her, but failed sadly. It felt like a normal day, it felt like it had before what had happened.

But that didn't last as we entered the school, and everything felt strange.

There were people in the hallways and they were talking, but the talking sounded distant and quiet. As if everyone was whispering. The air in the building felt suffocating and heavy, like there was smoke from a fire, but there was no smoke and no fire. I looked at Benny and Adison; Benny met my gaze mimicking my same confused facial expression. The dark-haired girl was moving her head rapidly around her, as if she was looking for some sort of problem.

Erica and Sarah eventually found us at our lockers; their voices were the only ones that sounded normal compared to all the whispers in the hall.

"It feels really weird in here today, I don't like it." Sarah stated, crossing her arms over her chest.

"It feels like something really bad is going to happen, I don't know if we should be here." Erica pointed out; she moved her head around her like Adison looking for something.

"Well, something bad did happen today, September 5th ten years ago there was a shooting here. His name was Michael Peters, he was schizophrenic, and one day he came to school and shot six kids before killing himself just outside of the school." Adison explained.

"How the hell do you know this?" Benny questioned, cocking his dark eyebrows into a questioning stare again.

"Whitechapel is a fucking weird place and sometimes you just gotta look for why it is. Since this school has been standing there has been one shooting, two attempted murders, and a suicide in the bathroom. Benny's house was where a group of witches from the Salem Witch Trials that didn't want to be discovered traveled to Canada and housed themselves. The field that's not too far from here was a cemetery at one point before they moved it to where it is now, but I don't think they've moved all the bodies. And Ethan's house was a…illegal abortions doctor's house…I'm going to shut up now." the dark-haired girl grimaced.

Well, I was no longer going to go into my house ever again. How did she figure that out? And why was that something they didn't disclose when we bought the house? Yeah, I could never go home now. Benny and I shuddered at the thought; Erica gave me what appeared to be a sympathetic look? And Sarah looked shocked about all that Adison had just told us.

The bell above our heads rang telling us we needed to go into class. We said our goodbyes to one another; Benny heading in the same direction as Sarah, Erica going a completely different way, and Adison and me went our usual way.

We settled ourselves into our usual seats in our English classroom, waiting for the second bell to ring to signify that class was going to begin. And just like always, it did. The teacher got up and closed the door, talking about the novel we had read over the summer. I was not entirely paying attention.

About thirty minutes into the class, I felt Adison tense beside me. I looked with wide eyes to see her staring at nothing; her eyes were glazed over and looked to be unfocused. Suddenly she bolted out of her seat, rushed over to the lights, and slammed them off. Murmurs of confusion filled the room and Adison put a finger to her lips signaling them to be quiet.

That's when it happened. There was a bloodcurdling scream from out in the hallway and then there was a gunshot.


	9. Hollowing Souls

_It was him I had only seen him in pictures before, black and white pictures. But I knew that blonde hair and I knew those dark eyes. He stalked into the hallway wearing a long, black coat, black shirt, black pants, and black shoes. He might as well not even been a person he simply looked like a shadow swiftly moving. A giant shotgun swung from his grip as he walked. And then, he stopped. There was a girl in front of him, a cheerleader with her brunette hair in pretty curls cascading down her pale face. He lifted his gun and she screamed, except it did not even take a second for her screaming to become no more._

Another vision, I had another vision, one that was clearer than the previous, and one that was significantly more urgent.

Without entirely processing it, I felt myself leap up from where I sat and rush over to the classroom lights before shutting them off. Everyone's eyes were on me and they began to whisper in confusion, but I pressed my finger to my lips to signal for them to be quiet. Ethan was staring at me in absolute horror. Then it happened, the bloodcurdling scream followed by the gunshot and I felt my soul shatter.

Our English teacher began instructing for us to crowd into the corner that was hidden away from the sight of the door's window. I rushed over to our instructed spot and Ethan briskly walked over to me, his dark eyes as wide at the moon.

"What the hell was that, Adison?" he wondered, clearly questioning how I knew what was going to happen.

"I had a vision, I think; it's the second time that this has happened. I don't know why and I'm not entirely sure how." I answered.

"A vision…no, wait, a second vision? When did you have the first one?" Ethan began spouting questions left and right.

"E, we don't have time for this right now. Look, the ghost of Michael Peters is currently on another killing spree, and we need to figure out how to stop him before he kills more people." I hissed before pulling out my phone and calling Benny.

"Hello? Are you guys in lockdown mode too? We heard a gunshot." the brown-haired boy answered shortly after the first ring.

"Benny, I need you and Sarah to get into the vents, its Michael. The guy who killed those six kids ten years ago, I don't think he passed on, he's haunting the school and has decided to kill some more. We need to figure out how to stop him." I explained quickly.

"We're on it, see you in a second." Benny acknowledged before we both hung up.

"Okay, come on, we need to get into the vents." I insisted before rushing over to the tall, steel filing cabinets that were the closest things to the ceiling. I stepped onto our teacher's desk to get up onto the metal and Ethan followed in suit.

For a moment I debated simply telling Ethan to stay in the classroom, but I didn't trust him being in the classroom. Even though I could see where he was through my supernatural powers, I felt better knowing he was physically right in front of me. I needed him to stay with me this time.

After getting the ventilation panel to loosen and open, we climbed our way into the shafts and began making our way towards Benny and Sarah who were already in the system.

Thankfully it did not take long for us to shuffle ourselves together into a group.

"Alright, Adison, what's the plan?" Benny greeted us as we found one another.

"Excuse me? I don't have the answers for everything you know." I pointed out and stuck out my tongue.

"Well, you said this guy was a ghost? And you know a lot about ghosts, so do have at least a semblance of an idea as to what we should do?" Ethan asked.

I thought for a moment. We had fought a demon before when it possessed Sarah after the boys stupidly played with a spirit box. And we sucked it into the little box buried outside of Ethan's house using Ghostbuster logic. But this was different, Michael was able to physically manifest himself to appear as his former self and harm people. Although Michael belonged in Hell for what he did, he was not a demon, and thus…

"We need him to move on, clearly he needs to be in Hell, but it seems that he's escaped that somehow. Oh wow this is going to sound real bad, but we need to open a portal to Hell." I admitted.

"That sounds really dangerous, are you sure there's no other way?" Sarah bit down on her lower lip in worry.

"I don't think so, I think Adison is right. And there is a spell that does open portals; we just have to make sure it's to Hell." Benny decided.

"What do you mean we have to make sure that it's a portal to Hell? Can you make portals that go to different things?" I coaxed, raising my eyebrow in question.

"Um, yeah…I can make a portal to a parallel universe, I could theoretically make a portal to the black hole in the center of our universe, and I could make a portal to another dimension." the older boy gave examples.

"You're telling me we could have been exploring time and space this whole time? Why have we not done that?" I asked, I swore to God that Benny really needed to actually read through his spellbook, there were so many possibilities for us and we knew none of them.

"That's a good question," he hummed in agreement.

"You guys we have bigger things to worry about right now! How do we make sure that the portal leads to Hell like we need it to?" Ethan asked frantically and I was pulled back into the ugly face of reality.

"We just have to make sure we say the right incantation, since we're opening a portal to Hell, we need to say this incantation right here." Benny instructed pointing to a specific line in his spellbook.

 _Sumunt mali spiritus non pertinent mortale hoc mundo, in eaque nos et misit vos ad inferos_

"What does that translate to in English?" Sarah asked as she read it over Benny's shoulder.

"Ghostly spirit you do not belong in this mortal world and with this spell we will send you back to Hell." he translated.

"And we have to say it in Latin?" Ethan asked which Benny answered with a simple nod of his head.

"But we need a mirror, true to what people believe, ghosts travel through mirrors and that means we're going to need something mirror-like that we can make into the portal." I chime in.

"There's one in the photography room, we can drop in there from the ventilation, grab it, and track Michael down. He's currently in the hallway with all the science and math classrooms. He already came through the English and history hallway, so if anything he's going to be heading down the fine arts hall anyway." I continued.

"Great, let's get going." Ethan proclaimed before we began crawling towards the photography room.

I kicked the vent open, we proceeded to jump down into the room, and luckily Mr. Jetson did not have a first period so he was not in the room. But surprisingly, Erica was.

"Erica? How did you get here?" I wondered, cocking my head to the side.

"Well, Sarah texted me unlike any of the rest of you, plus I have superhuman hearing, I could hear you in the vents." the blonde-haired girl reminded us. I slowly nodded my head in response before rushing into the dark room of the Photography classroom to retrieve the little wall-hanging mirror we sometimes used as a prop.

"Alright, so, to make sure that this incantation is strong enough I need two more people, so obviously Adison you're coming, but I don't know who wants to stay behind between you two, Sarah and Erica." Benny observed and the two girls gave each other a look.

"What about me? You can't just expect me to do nothing! I want to help!" Ethan cried out. Of course one could have expected a response like that. Ever since we were freshmen we had fought every battle together, but there was absolutely no goddamn way I was going to let him do anything.

"NO!" Benny, Erica, and I shouted. Ethan narrowed his eyes into an annoyed glare while Sarah looked confused between the four of us.

"Ethan, you know what's good for you, and you should stay in this room with Erica. Sarah, Benny, and I have got this." I challenged. My eyes shifted from his beautiful dark brown eyes to his completely flat stomach that was my baby girl too. She was a part of Ethan and I needed to protect her too.

The dark-haired boy opened his mouth to protest it seemed, but then gave a sigh. He rested his hand on his stomach and nodded his head.

"Okay, I'll stay here." he agreed.

I looked up to Sarah and Benny, both of them nodded signaling they were ready to go. I looked back at Erica who now stood behind Ethan. She nodded her head telling me that she was going to keep things under control.

And with that Sarah, Benny, and I bolted out of the room just in time to be met with a scenario that now looking back on it was to be expected.

We were standing in between Michael and Rory, the blonde vampire having little regard as to the danger that presented itself as he was just simply standing in the hallway. And Michael had his gun halfway raised, but before he could do any further action, Benny shouted a spell that knocked him backwards.

"Benny, Sarah, Adison? What are you guys doing?" Rory wondered as we moved to stand in between the two blonde boys.

"Quick! Say the incantation!" Benny ordered; the three of us began chanting, which was difficult at first considering it was Latin and the only one who understood Latin completely was Benny. But then it happened.

One of the worst things I had ever experienced in my entire life.

It was as if someone had covered me in gasoline and lit me on fire. Hatred clawed at my skin and begged me to itch it. Rage filled my throat and begged me to scream. Depression whispered into my ears and begged me to give up. Agony weighed down my chest and begged me to stop breathing.

The room was spinning; the colors in the hallway were swirling together and becoming far too bright. My ears were filled with whispers, but also with the screams of those that were on the other side of the mirror. And I could see them; I could see their charred bodies from the fires of Hell.

And I tried to keep saying the chant, I did, I tried for the longest time before eventually I started screaming too. It was too much, it was all too much, and I felt as if I was about to explode.

I lost my grip on the mirror's edge that I held and fell to the ground, screaming and shaking. I was not too sure how much time had passed from falling onto the floor and me losing consciousness.

* * *

We could hear them from inside the photography room, Sarah, Benny, and Adison chanting in the hallway. All I could do is pace around the room, because goddamn it I was so worried about them. This was the first time we were going up against a supernatural force and I couldn't be of help. And I knew why I couldn't, I understood that, but I couldn't see them. I didn't know what was happening out there.

About ten minutes had passed when we heard it.

It was Adison screaming, but I had never heard her scream like that before. Something awful was happening to her. And I couldn't help her.

For a moment I broke forward to run for the door, but Erica flashed in front of me and blocked me from running out.

"Erica, you have to let me out! That's Adison screaming, I need to help her! Please let me out!" I begged tears were stinging my eyes, I needed to help her. She sounded so in pain.

"Ethan, I cannot let you leave here, its way too dangerous!" the blonde-haired girl hissed, her eyes beginning to glow that famous yellowy color.

"Adison is your best friend! How are you not worried about her right now?! She sounds like she's dying; we need to help her Erica!" I protested.

Her eyes softened as she understood. Of course I knew she was just as worried about Adison as I was. She looked back over to the door and placed her hand on the handle. Slowly she opened up the door and poked her head out before gasping, slamming the door open and rushing out into the hallway. I quickly followed after her.

The only people in the hallway were Benny, Sarah, Adison, and Rory whom I assumed accidentally joined in the frenzy. The mirror was shattered and lay on the ground at Sarah's feet; the brunette-haired girl was breathing heavily and looked shocked as to what she had seen. Rory stood behind her and held a grimace on his face, the most uncomfortable I had seen him look. Benny and Erica were now kneeled down beside Adison who was unconscious on the floor.

"ADISON!" I screamed, rushing over to her as well. Benny stood to his feet and dialed someone on his phone. Erica was pressing her hand all over the dark-haired girl's expressionless face. It was as if she was simply sleeping.

"Benny! She's not breathing!" Erica whined, as she pressed her hand against Adison's chest, which I had realized was not moving.

"No, no, no," I murmured quietly, grabbing onto Adison's hand that lay limply against her side. My heart tightened in my chest and tears began to fall down my face. She couldn't die, I needed her. She was everything to me; she couldn't just die like this. Especially when there was the possibility she was my baby girl's mother. I needed her to be okay.

"Adison, please, wake up, please, you're okay. You're okay." I whispered, pressing her hand to my lips. Her hand was still warm which gave me a sliver of hope.

Before I could fully comprehend what was happening, there was the sound of sirens, Benny's Grandma and a male doctor along with a couple of nurses was with us. They had a gurney which they put Adison onto before rushing out of the building.

"W-where are they taking her?" I wondered, my heart pounding painfully against my chest. I looked between Benny and his Grandma.

"St. Valentine Whitechapel Hospital," Evelyn answered.

"Can we go there? Please, she's going to be okay, right?" I asked my voice reaching an even higher pitch than previously. I needed to be with her, I needed to be there when she woke up; I needed to be there to make sure she was okay.

I looked back up at Benny, and suddenly anger began filling my veins. He had been out here with Adison, why didn't he protect her? Did he know how dangerous this was? Why hadn't he taken better care of her?

"What happened to her, Benny?" I hissed through gritted teeth, the taller boy flinched at the harsh tone my words were in.

"I…I don't really know, we were saying the incantation and the portal opened up, and everything was really loud and crazy. I didn't notice anything was wrong until she started screaming…but we were so close, we were too far in for two of us to stop saying the chant. And then she fell…and Michael flew into the mirror. So we had to smash it then when I could finally reach her, she was unconscious." he explained.

His explanation made me even more angered.

"So, you basically just let Adison have like a fucking seizure without even having a second thought about helping her? Nice to know where your priorities are." I barked.

And I watched Benny's face shift. I watched his hazel eyes die in color, they were dark and saddened. His pink lips parted and his mouth opened ajar. He was shocked. But then I watched as his face twisted into what I assumed matched my own anger.

"How dare you say that I just 'let Adison have a seizure', I didn't let her. Of course I wanted to help her, but we were too far gone and we couldn't stop. If we had stopped it was going to allow the things on the other side of the mirror come into our world. The situation was going to get a hell of a lot worse if we had stopped. I didn't let her, it was just too late. Don't you dare pin this one on me like I don't care about Adison. I care about her as much as you do." the brown-haired boy shot back.

"Hey! That's enough," Erica hollered before appearing in between Benny and I. Her eyes glowing yellow.

"Ethan, this is not in any way Benny's fault. You cannot blame him for what happened to Adison. We don't even really know what happened to her, so we can't put blame on anyone or anything. So, don't accuse Benny of not helping her." she warned.

I looked past the blonde-haired vampire at Benny, his eyes still shimmering with a hint of anger. But I had to admit, Erica was right. I couldn't blame him, and I honestly didn't mean to get so unexpectedly mad at Benny, it just…felt better to blame someone. It felt better to be angry at something physical than to be mad at something that had the possibility of not being physical.

"Come on kids, yes all five of you can wait at our home until the hospital calls us about Adison." Evelyn suggested.

"We can't go to the hospital and wait there?" I questioned.

"It won't do us any good to wait there, it might be a while before they allow us to see Adison or she wakes up, so it's just better that we wait at home." she justified. I opened my mouth to protest, because everything inside of me was screaming for my dark-haired girl. I needed to know she was okay right then and there. But I was also tired, not the sleep kind of tired, but I was mentally tired. So, I simply nodded my head and we were on our way.

Going home and waiting for the call was a haze. I remembered Rory asking what exactly happened in the hallway, and Benny explained. I remembered Sarah turning on the television to diffuse the obvious tension in the room. I lay on the couch with my legs on Benny's lap and my head on Sarah's lap, her fingers began running through my hair. The last thing I remembered before drifting into an unexpected nap was Erica setting drinks on the table for everyone and then laying down on the floor.

"Ethan, hey, Ethan, wake up," Benny's soft voice is what woke me from my sleep. I blinked open my eyes to found the brown-haired boy's face just above mine. I also noticed that I was no longer lying on Sarah's lap; I looked around and noticed that all three of the vampires were now absent.

"What time is it?" I groaned sleepily, rubbing my eyes and stretching my arms, a few of my bones cracking in the process.

"Thirty minutes past five." he answered.

"Where is everyone else? Where's Adi…" I trailed off, because I suddenly remembered where my best friend was. She was in the hospital. She hadn't been breathing.

"Sarah went home, Erica was 'going to grab a bite' and Rory attempted to follow her, but I'm not too sure how successful he was. And that's why I woke you up, the hospital called we can go see Adison now." Benny explained.

I bolted up straight and swung my legs over the couch to stand in front of Benny.

"Well, what are we waiting for?" I wondered, the taller boy gave me a soft smile before grabbing a hold of my hand and suddenly we were in limbo before popping up outside of the St. Valentine Whitechapel Hospital. There was a dizziness sensation that crept up my body, but it disappeared as fast as it came.

My mouth dropped slightly as I realized what had just happened. Benny had successfully teleported us.

"When in the Hell have you been able to do a teleportation spell?" I asked as we began walking inside of the building.

"Practice makes perfect," the brown-haired boy hummed with a smile before we got up to the receptionist desk.

"Hello, we're here to see Adison Montgomery." Benny told the receptionist, a woman most likely no older than forty with dark hair and dark skin. She gave us a smile before turning her attention to the computer screen and then back to us.

"She's room 312, the elevator's down the hall will take you there." she informed us, we nodded in acknowledgment, thanked her and wished her a nice day before making our way into the long corridor with what felt like millions of rooms. The elevator at the end of the hallway seemingly the only way out besides the door that was now behind us.

Hospitals were not my thing, considering my rather large fear of needles, hospitals to me meant needles, and that was not something I was about. Not to mention that everything was so white and bright, too white and bright that hospitals felt surreal.

We made it into the elevator and pressed the button for the third floor, which we arrived to quickly. My eyes hurriedly look for room 312. In the middle of the hallway was Adison's room. I was suddenly afraid, I was afraid for what lied beyond the door. Benny placed his hand comfortingly on my shoulder and gave me a slow nod, telling me I needed to open the door. So, I breathed in and out deeply before turning the handle in my hand and pushing open the door.

The room was silent except for the sound of beeping machines and the sound of a television that was turned down low.

And there was Adison, the saddest I had seen her up to that point. She was lying almost upright in the bed, her skin which was typically a tan-ish sort of color due to her half-Japanese heritage, was now as white as the bedsheets. Her glasses were askew on her face and her eyes were so slightly opened that at first glance it looked like they were close. She was hooked up to a few machines and there was an IV in her arm. Adison just looked so small and fragile.

"Hey, Adison…" I murmured, walking over to her and sitting on the edge of the bed near her. I watched her lips that were an odd shade of blue-ish turned into a small smile.

"Ethan, I'm fine, you don't have to act so scared." her voice was quiet and raw, from the way she had been screaming it was understandable.

"But I am so scared, Adison, what happened? I heard you screaming from inside the classroom, it sounded like you were dying. And then I came out there…you weren't breathing, Adison. You weren't breathing." I spilled; tears unexpectedly fell down my face. Here was my girl, my Adison, who I had known for the past five years as someone who was strong. Who was much stronger than I was, she was going to run into the fire without a second thought. And now, she was reduced to almost nothing. She was not Adison from five years ago, she was not the Adison who was ready to take on the world, and I didn't understand how that could have been because I had saw that Adison a mere month before.

I felt her hand brush against mine, begging me to open up my hand and hold hers which I gratefully did.

"I felt them, Ethan, I felt those who are in Hell and I saw them. It was like I was on fire. I felt their suffering, I felt their agony. I knew why they were screaming. And I could see them; I could see their bodies that were not even bodies anymore. I suppose, it was just too much. I know I remember screaming and I know I remember falling to the ground, shaking. But that's all I can recall." she acknowledged.

"What did the doctor tell you?" Benny finally chimed in; I looked over to see he was now sitting on the opposite side of the bed.

"I had a seizure that was the result of too much stress, it's funny, and they say it like that because stress cannot even begin to describe what that was like." the dark-haired girl scoffed.

"Can you come home today?" I wondered.

"Technically, I can, because I'm eighteen and I can see myself out when I feel like it. But the doctor said they wanted to keep me overnight and give me brain scans tomorrow to see if they could see if actual neurological things are wrong." my heart sank when she finished her statement. I wanted her to come home with us. I didn't want her to be in the hospital.

But I didn't say anything about it, I needed to be stronger.

So, Benny and I stayed for a couple of hours simply talking to Adison before my parents called and asked if Adison and I were coming home tonight. Mom freaked a small bit when I had to tell her that our dark-haired girl was in the hospital, but I reminded her that Adison was indeed eighteen and she could take care of herself. Then I confirmed that I would be home soon.

Benny and I both hugged and kissed Adison goodbye and goodnight. But before I could leave Adison pulled me a little closer to her and pressed a kiss against my flat stomach. My cheeks flushed at the gesture. And for a moment I felt as if this was our baby girl. Adison was the other parent. But of course, I couldn't have been sure.

I looked at the dark-haired girl who looked so small against her white sheets. I looked over at Benny who looked exhausted and like he needed ten years of sleep. I placed my hand against my stomach and as I gave a final wave and smile to Adison, I wondered:

How could this possibly get any worse?


	10. A Door That Hold's Back Contents

September passed without even a goodbye, although the first portion of it felt like an eternity and a half with everything that happened, but the beginning of autumn skipped along and soon enough it was October with its chilled air and colorful dying leaves falling off of the trees exposing skeletal-like branches. The decorations were being placed in the yards, bats and spiders and black cats were doubling in plastic population. Stores that had begun being stalked in August with Halloween candy now began selling as it was a more appropriate time to buy said treats. The excitement was in swing.

But Halloween was a frightening holiday for us and not the cheesy horror-movie sort of frightening, something always happened on Halloween. That was to be expected, Whitechapel was what I would assume to be the capital of paranormal activity for Canada. And the October holiday was one that begged for everything supernatural to come out hiding. It was not surprising that something always went wrong that day. For that reason, I could never fully commit to the same excitement everyone else had.

Halloween was Adison's favorite holiday. The Nightmare Before Christmas was on a repeat throughout the month. She started listening to The Addams Family Musical soundtrack and was more than likely humming The Addams Family theme tune. Adison decorated the house for Halloween and bought tons of candy. She would even make and bake Halloween themed treats throughout the month of October. Her excitement about the spooky holiday was everything; it was one of the most precious things to witness. I loved seeing her so happy.

Yet her excitement was not the same this year. In fact, on the first day of October, it was like Christmas shopping for her. She would demand we had to go to the store that day to get everything. But that Monday when we woke up for school, she didn't even mention that it was the first of October. She didn't mention anything at lunch about going to the store for treats and decorations. There was nothing in her.

And I knew why that was, ever since that day in September when she had that seizure because the immense pain Adison experienced when they opened the portal to Hell, she was not the same.

There were nights where she would wake up at one or two in the morning screaming. She had nightmares where she could still feel the suffering of the souls and she could hear them. It was horrifying and it sometimes happened four times a week. Not to mention that she still managed to wake up before Benny or I to make us breakfast, to make us packed lunches so she was sure that I was eating properly. She reminded me to take the prenatal vitamins Benny's Grandma had given me. She helped Jane with her homework at night. And previous months back Benny had asked if Adison would help teach him hand-to-hand combat, which she still managed to do with him every Wednesday after school.

She was essentially a mother of three kids and it was impressive to see her taking care of us. But I could tell that with the weight of everything that was going on combined with the fact she was getting very little sleep some nights because of nightmares that plagued her, it was draining everything out of her. It was destroying her and it was a new kind of pain to watch someone you love chipped away by something she couldn't control.

And as time went on, as September transitioned into October, it got worse.

I hadn't noticed her not eating as well as she used to. But I noticed when she began to wear baggier clothing. She wore Benny and mine's clothes often, but they looked different when she wore them recently. They hung off of her more. And her jeans were the same way. She only had skinny jegging pants and they didn't cling to her legs like usual.

Adison was a skinny girl, but it wasn't ever an unhealthy sort of skinny like she was now. I knew I needed to talk to her, if she was going to take care of me, then I needed to take care of her in return.

There was one morning in which I woke up at six o'clock, not because I felt sick, but simply because my body woke me up at said time. And to my expectation I found that Adison was not where she had previously been which was in between Benny and me. Instead I found the light-brown haired boy's face in front of mine, his mouth slightly opened and soft snores coming from him.

Benny was an absolute saint. It was an honest to God mystery as to why he was still with me when a lot of my hormonal anger was pointed towards him. I was not even entirely sure why, he just always seemed to be the one who caught me at a bad time. And I felt incredibly terrible for snapping at him, it was always seconds after I had said something that I would burst into tears about how much I didn't mean what I said. But words couldn't be taken back and I knew that if I wasn't careful my words were going to cause some serious harm. I love Benny with all of my heart I didn't want to do anything to hurt him. He was everything to me.

He was so strong as well he was essentially the glue that Adison and I needed. Before the glue had been Adison, because she had been the more mature of the three of us. She was the one who kept Benny and me from bickering when we were in the middle of dealing with enemies. She kept us focused and in line and while she was still attempting to take care of us, it was obvious Adison was slipping through the cracks, and it was important that Benny was there for the both of us. Benny was important and I hoped to God he knew that.

It was clear that he still had his worries; his hazel eyes were just as watchful as Adison's, and he was even more protective than her. If there was even the slightest off-putting sound, he had his arm in front of me guarding me. I even watched as he noticed one of the cheerleaders giving me a sneering look and he murmured a quick tripping spell darkly with one of the most annoyed looks he had ever given someone. And usually I would have scolded Benny for doing something petty, but it was nice for him to be so protective of me. It was nice to see Adison and Benny being committed to me.

My lips curled into a smile as I saw him sleeping peacefully and my body begged for me to simply go back to sleep with him in my arms, but I needed to go talk to Adison. I knew I needed to and therefore I carefully got off of the bed to venture out of the room. My bare feet pitter pattered down the wooden stairs as I rounded the corner as I expected the light was turned on in the kitchen.

As the kitchen came into view through the door less doorway, I saw that the stove was turned on and scrambled eggs were sitting in a pan. The bacon had been pulled out of the refrigerator, but it was just sitting on the counter as well as pancake batter. Adison had her arms crossed over on the island in the middle of the kitchen and she rested her head on her arms. I slowly made my way into the kitchen and stood on the other side of the island.

"Adison…?" I muttered; the dark-haired girl's head shot upward and although her multi-colored eyes were widened, they were incredibly tired. Dark purple circles hung underneath them. In general, she did not look the best. She looked sickly, her skin was paler than normal, her lips were picked at, and the hollows of her cheeks were more visible. Her dark hair although was straight its volume suggested it had not been brushed in a while. Adison just didn't look good. And it was sad to see her like that.

"Ethan, what are you doing awake? Are you okay?" she asked her facial expression switching to one of panic.

"I'm fine, I'm fine, I just…woke up and I saw that you were already awake. So I came down here to…talk with you, because there's something I need to talk to you about." I told her.

The panic in her face quietened, but it didn't disappear. Yet Adison nodded her head as if telling me to continue.

"Adison…I'm really worried about you. You're not healthy like you used to be. I know you've always been a skinny girl, but you're skinnier than you used to be and that's not good. It would be different if you had the weight to lose, but you don't. You look sick. And I don't know if you're…struggling with body image issues and this is…anorexia, or if it's just you not looking after yourself so much anymore…whatever it is, you know you can talk to me right? Even if you just need me to listen to you, I'm here for you. I can't just let you always take care of me and not take care of you too." I reassured Adison.

I watched as the panic in her face melted as her lips curled into a smile. She walked around the island towards me and opened up her arms to embrace me in a hug which I of course opened my arms to do the same. We wrapped our arms around one another; I could even feel that she was smaller than before.

"I promise you it's not anorexia, I just suppose I haven't paid very much attention to myself…I'm sorry that I've made you worry." she murmured pulling away from the hug so that she could look at me in the eyes, but keeping her hands on my forearms.

For a moment, I searched for a hint that maybe Adison was lying about how this wasn't anorexia. Not that she often lied to me or even Benny; it was she had a hard time letting others worry over her. She believed that she was the one in control, she took care of everyone and that meant no one could worry or care for her in return. But of course that's not how that works, we were best friends and sometimes questionably romantically involved with each other, she couldn't expect me to not worry about her.

"Its okay, Addie, just…please take care of yourself as much as you take care of the rest of us. Just think you can't take care of the rest of us if you're not strong enough to. But of course don't just do it for us, please do it for yourself you're so important and I know you haven't thought that well of yourself the past while, but I hope one day you truly understand how important and wonderful you are. I hope one day you treat yourself the way Benny and I treat you, I hope one day you love yourself." I sympathized.

The dark-haired girl's beautifully colored eyes got glossy for a moment with tears, but quickly she shook her head and squeezed her eyes shut so that no tears would escape. Adison then gave me a wide smile before placing an unexpected kiss on my lips so unexpected that I didn't even have enough reaction time to kiss her in return. But before I could pull her back to properly kiss her, she bounded over to the pan and stove.

"Come here, I'll show you how to make a crepe." she purred as she turned back on the stove, moving the eggs to a different place on the stove to bring out a different pan to begin making a crepe which is essentially a thin pancake. I gave her a smile and nodded my head before joining her in making food for everyone else who was still sleeping.

I didn't expect the conversation to go as easy as it did to be quite honest. The last time we had a serious conversation like that was in September when we had first learned I was pregnant, when Adison had nearly combined alcohol with her Xanax. First it was Benny yelling at her, she yelled at him, and then I yelled at her; Adison then cried, it had overall been a mess of a conversation. I honestly expected this conversation to go the same sort of way, because Adison was just a stubborn person that's just who she was. She wanted things to go her way, because she felt that meant she was in control and her anxiety made her feel like she needed to be.

But it was nice to tell her something without her getting defensive without having to get into an argument. She was growing up; she was more of an adult now than before, but really that was true for all three of us. Benny, Adison, and I were essentially adults now, yet I wondered if perhaps we were growing up too fast. There was a small piece inside of me that felt responsible for that too.

* * *

Life had become embarrassingly exhausting. Ever since my seizure in the beginning of September everything had blurred. Reality was looking even more indistinguishable especially when sleep was hardly in reach for me because of waking nightmares. But I was trying to get along as best as I could, because I didn't want the attention on me. I wasn't the one who needed to be taken care of it was Ethan he was the one carrying our baby girl after all. And every night I unfortunately woke up screaming due to the Hell that was in my dreams, I felt as though I was becoming the problem. I was taking up too much attention. So, even though I was struggling mentally and physically, I was going to keep that to myself as much as I could.

Despite being slowly drained of any energy that I had previously in me, somethings had gotten better. The most important thing was that I had come to terms with the fact that the baby was indeed mine. It took several countless nights of staring up into the ceiling thinking while Ethan and Benny slept peacefully beside me, but I did find reconciliation within myself. She was mine, the little baby in Ethan was all mine, and I realized I needed to stop having a pity party. This wasn't about wallowing in the feeling like I should have done better to protect Ethan from what was going to happen, it was about just being better in general. There was no room to be stubborn or difficult; there was no reason to be emotional and sorry, I needed to be stronger and more protective and more loving. I needed to be better for Ethan, for Benny, for everyone.

Granted I hadn't started off with my foot in the door in the best way, in the process of trying to take care of everyone I stopped taking care of myself. I wasn't eating as much as I needed to; I was eating the bare minimum to keep myself alive. I knew what I was doing and I knew it wasn't healthy, but I didn't notice how far it had gotten until Ethan talked to me early in the morning in the beginning of October. And what Ethan had said about how he hoped that one day I realized how important I was and that hopefully I would one day love myself, it got to me. Because I knew that I didn't have the greatest view of myself, but the fact that Ethan had picked up on it meant something more to me. It made the problem seem more real.

I think it had to do with my realization that I was a mother, I might not have been the one carrying the child, but I was still now faced with the responsibility of being a parent. I didn't want my daughter to look at me one day and see that I was not comfortable with myself. I was going to be a role model to her and I wanted to show her that loving yourself was important. And so I decided in that moment that I was going to work on myself, that I could take care of myself just as much as I was taking care of the others, because if I was going to be better for everyone else then I needed to be better for myself too.

But of course there was still a major thing I struggled with, and that was telling Ethan that I was the mother of his child.

For some reason, I still couldn't bear to tell him. There was a lingering self-doubt within myself that told me that Ethan didn't want the baby to be mine. That if I told him it was me who was the second parent, he would be disappointed.

Not to mention that Benny wanted the baby to be his desperately. I even heard them talking about names one night in the bedroom. He suggested surprisingly really pretty girl names like Olivia Gracie and Audrey Emelia. I had stood outside of the bedroom for moments listening to them bounce ideas back and forth, before just traveling down the stairs to mind my own business.

I couldn't imagine the amount of disappointment on Benny's face when he would find out that he wasn't the second parent. I felt as though I had taken something incredibly important away from him without meaning to. All around, I didn't feel as though I could tell either of them the secret I was keeping. I felt like I was going to hurt someone's feelings and I didn't want that.

So, for another month I kept it a secret.

* * *

Something happened to me in the rest of September and October. I'm not entirely sure what caused this change in the person I was. But I was…aggressively protective and everything suddenly was incredibly worrying.

For example, anything that was out of the ordinary to me was dangerous to Ethan. Almost every sound that was not normal or was out of place made me jump and immediately want to step in front of the little dark-haired boy so that I could protect him. And every single person who even looked at Ethan who was not anyone in our normal friend group was some dangerous. Like when the cheerleader gave Ethan a glaring look, not something that was completely out of the ordinary, but it pissed me off to where I mumbled a clumsiness spell which resulted in her tripping the moment she took any step. It was petty, but for some reason something told me she deserved it?

It was almost as if I was Adison now, because that's how Adison had been all of these years. Aggressively protective and constantly worrying about Ethan and I, but now she wasn't like that. Ever since September when she had that seizure, she was not the same person, not even close to the way she was even in August. It was very clear due to the lack of sleep and the fact that she was spreading herself incredibly thin between everything she was doing that Adison was beginning to be drained dry.

Although it was definitely better than compared to when I caught her outside nearly mixing her Xanax with alcohol, but it was still self-destructive. Not that I thought she was purposefully doing so, I could see that Adison was trying to just be better. She was trying to be more helpful and almost…more like a mother. But at the same time, she was still not perfect; Adison was not putting a whole lot of thought into her execution. Her intentions were great, but she wasn't being the smartest unfortunately. She wasn't taking care of herself. Adison had a habit of doing that, of going from one extreme to the other. I loved Adison, she had a heart dipped in gold, but my God she needed to think about herself. She destroyed herself trying to be the different people she thought she needed to be. Adison just needed to be herself and find the balance in taking care of others and her.

Unfortunately, I couldn't tag this as something that I was scared of if the baby was hers, because I wasn't scared of what Adison was going to do if the baby was hers. I knew what she was going to do; she was going to be a great mom. And everything I had thought before about how I was scared that she was going to breakdown or something was absolute bullshit. I knew that now, and I knew it was selfish of me to think that just because Adison struggled with mental illness on occasion that she couldn't step up and be a great parent.

I just wanted that baby to be mine.

There was a deep aching in my chest for the little baby girl to be mine and Ethan's. I loved Ethan more than anything and I could honestly not see anyone else in my life other than him. And something about having the baby be ours made my soul feel lighter. It made me feel as though Ethan was going to love me more. Ethan and I were going to be parents, we were going to be a real family, and it felt as if I was getting a fairytale sort of ending. An ending I hadn't known I wanted until now.

I just wanted to pour all of my love into Ethan and our daughter, and I wanted it to be only mine. I didn't want to compete with Adison. I didn't want to feel second best. I really wanted it to be just being Ethan and me and our family.

But of course I could only wish that, as we had to wait until his fourth month of pregnancy to know who the second parent was.

And now that meant we needed to survive Halloween.

* * *

I suppose as for myself, I was doing okay. I was informed by the internet that morning sickness generally did not stop until my fourth month of pregnancy which made me want to bash my head into the wall a little bit. My life felt like a waiting game at this point. I was waiting for that appointment where I could finally learn who the second parent was. I was waiting to not feel so sick anymore. I was waiting for Christmas break, because even though it had been just two months of school I already felt like I needed to get away from it. It sucked to be constantly waiting for something to happen.

But other than just being stuck sort of waiting for other things to happen so I could truly be comfortable in my own life again, things were going okay. I was doing alright in my school classes; luckily my pregnancy was not affecting that which was important because I still needed to graduate. Everything between Adison and Benny and I were fine. No one was speculating that something was different about me, not Sarah, not Erica, my parents, everyone who I wanted to know knew and that was good. I knew I was going to have to eventually tell all of the others about what was going on, because I had also been informed by the internet that you start showing around four months.

Those were things that still worried me and still kept me up at night from time to time. I was a boy, how was I supposed to tell my parents that I was pregnant because of one of our vampire enemies who decided artificially inseminating me was a good revenge idea? That not only meant I had to out my pregnancy to them, I had to out everything to them. I had to tell them that I was a Seer; I had to tell them about Benny and Adison being supernatural, and Sarah, Erica, and Rory being vampires. I would have to tell them about all of our dangerous excursions that had happened over the years. It would be a shit ton to tell them about and I mean, my parents were fairly understanding people, but God I hadn't realized how many secrets we had been keeping.

I was also struggling with a new kind of thought: should I give my daughter up for adoption? Although I absolutely loved her, but there was the reality that perhaps it wasn't the best option for her to be with me. I was not currently working anywhere, I had not been accepted into a college yet, and there was the possibility that if I kept her, I was never going to be able to attend college. I wasn't going to be able to go to college full time and take care of her and make sure I had a job that could provide. I just wasn't so sure that I could keep her. As much as I loved her and as much as it would break my heart to give her away, I wanted the absolute best for her, and I was not so sure I was the best for her.

But of course I couldn't make that decision without the opinion of either Adison or Benny, and if she was Jesse's then I would have to make the decision all on my own which was equally terrifying.

And even if Adison or Benny was the other parent I felt uncomfortable that I would be putting their life on hold. Adison knew she wanted to go to college, she wanted to get a degree in Psychology, she was going to be like her parents and help people maybe not even in Canada because she sometimes talked about going back to Japan. I didn't want her to think she was going to have to put all of those dreams aside to take care of our daughter. I would feel awful if she gave up on those wishes. And Benny had mentioned before he wanted to be a medical professional in the supernatural field like his grandmother had been. I just didn't want to take away their dreams.

There was just a lot to consider, a lot to think about, and it hurt my head a lot of the time. But I knew there was absolutely no way I could run away from this problem. Sometimes when we would be in our supernatural combats, I would suggest that perhaps running away was a good option. I just had a strong flight response instead of fight. But there was no flying away from this. And I knew that, I had to deal with that, but I wanted to be the only person to deal with that. I didn't want to have to bring down others with me.

Then there was the chance of hurting feelings. Benny was one hundred percent invested in my daughter and me now. I mean he had been invested in me before this point, but God he was just so interested in everything being the absolute best for my daughter. We often talked about names back and forth. He often had really feminine ideas for girl names, which was not bad, just different.

For example one of his favorites was Olivia Hayden; my favorite out of the ones he's suggested was Abigail Grace. He was just very infatuated with the thought of this baby being his, although he never out right said that, I knew it. And I was completely afraid that his heart was going to be shattered if it was actually Adison instead of him.

I didn't even have a preference as to who was the second parent, because I loved Adison and Benny equally. I would date both of them in a heartbeat; it just wasn't initiated by any of us at the time. We just weren't aware that was a possibility. But I wanted both of them in my future, no matter who was or who wasn't the parent. I just needed both of them.

Adison was of course invested in me and the baby as well. She was constantly worrying about how I was doing and if I was taking my vitamins all of that sorts of things. She had told me that she had come to terms with the fact that there was a possibility of her being the mother and she was ready to take care of me and the baby for the rest of her life which was incredibly sweet and I proceeded to cry when she said that. But Adison just wasn't like Benny where he was almost trying to force himself into the parent role, while Adison was still very much aware that it was a possibility.

She had tossed some name ideas into the pool as well, she said that she wanted my daughter's first name to start with a C because then our names would be in alphabetical order. She had suggested names such as Cadence Rae and Carter Madison. Cadence Rae was my favorite.

That was my life up until Halloween, just an endless cycle of waiting for this and that to happen and then having some sort of existential crisis. I was almost kind of glad to have some supernatural action when that faithful Halloween night rolled around.


	11. It's Only A Nightmare

Hello, hi, yes, wow this story has finally been updated? How exciting!  
Is it exciting? Probably not, I'm probably just talking to a wall, because why is a college student still writing shit like this?  
I don't know,  
but I hope you enjoy!

* * *

It was Tuesday, of all days, Halloween in 2017 just happened to land on a Tuesday. Which almost makes it sound as if Halloween was mundane, but of course there was just no possible way for Halloween to be just another day when we lived in Whitechapel.

I'm sure Ethan emphasized how much I'm into Halloween, because it's true, I absolutely adore Halloween. Coming from Japan and England where neither cultures really celebrate something quite like the spooky spectacular holiday, when I came to America and found that there was a day for horror movies, costumes, and candy, I immediately fell in love. But that was also before I had moved to Whitechapel, before Halloween meant fake scares. The things on the screens like Poltergeist and IT weren't real, they were never meant to be real. Now, Halloween was when fears were animated right in front of your eyes. They touched you and spoke to you, they were so much more than just films on a screen.

It started as soon as we woke up that Tuesday morning, if you could call it waking up. When I opened my eyes, I was immediately met with unfamiliarity: Ethan and Benny who were on either side of me from what I last remembered were no longer even in the bedroom. They were never up before me. And while I would have normally been met with panic upon being unaware of their whereabouts, but I was nothing. I felt a ghost of myself, there was not only a lack of emotion, but there was a simple lack of me. I had no body weight. I swung my legs over the side of the bed and found that my feet made no sound when they hit the floor.

I was a puppet, I was limp and could not move of my own accord. As I made my way out of the bedroom and towards the bathroom I found that I was not moving myself, there was something else that seemed to direct me. But I also made no conscious effort to perhaps go against what was happening. I just simply let it happen.

Upon entering the bathroom, the lights themselves flickered on, and I turned to face myself within the mirror. There I was, a corpse, hollowed cheeks and sunken lifeless eyes. Gray skin and blue lips. But this was also unfamiliar, as after Ethan had that talk with me at the beginning of October, I had begun to take care of myself. The last I had looked in the mirror was when I washed my face before bed; I had even noted to myself how fuller my face looked even just after a month. But now, I was a skeleton.

And that was the first time I had felt something, but it was not shock like you would presume it to be. I was more perplexed, confused if you will, but I knew I was supposed to be shocked so why I was unable to feel any sort of strong emotion? But before I could question it much further, I floated out of the bathroom, and made my way down the stairs.

The house felt as if it were a horror movie, you know, when it's daytime during the movie, but something is about to move or make a noise when there's only the protagonist in the house; to still achieve a creepy effect, they've only dimly lit the home as if no one could bother to draw open the curtains? That's how it looked in the downstairs part of the house. Dark but just enough light to keep a false sense of security.

Of course, everything was deadly silent. There was absolutely no other sign of anyone else being in the house. There was not even the sound of cars on the street, or wind, or birds singing. There was nothing. I moved into the kitchen where there was not a thing out of place, everything was seemingly perfectly normal if it were not for the haunting atmosphere.

I turned around from having my back towards the entrance of kitchen to find Ethan had come in. Somewhere deep inside me was startled, somewhere deep inside me my heart skipped a beat, but it was only ever so faint.

Ethan's eyes were dark, a seething glare that I knew was supposed to tear into me, but it didn't. My eyes scanned over his thin, pale form, and my eyes met with his stomach that had been ripped open; now blood dripped like rain from the gash down his pants and onto the floor.

It was as if he had given himself an abortion...

Somewhere deep inside of me my stomach lurched and nausea washed over me, but all I did was stand and stare blankly at whatever was before me.

"You know I had to do it," Ethan finally spoke, his voice low and wicked. But somehow it was the loudest I had ever heard before.

"You really thought I couldn't tell that it was yours? Jesse was never going to be smart enough to put his semen in the potion. And of course you touched me first, because you can never keep your dirty hands off of me. So, of course I knew she was yours." Ethan hissed.

"There was no way I could keep her since she was half of you. How could I let someone grow up if I already knew they were going to be fucked up like you? Not to mention you would have had to help me take care of her...she would have been even more fucked up. I had to do it, you know I had to." the dark-haired boy continued.

That's what hurt the most. The fact that he had performed an abortion on himself because he knew I was the other parent. And he didn't want her to be like me. It was the first time I had felt any sort of pain throughout my person during this whole ordeal. It was the only thing that had made me feel like something.

"But I've realized...that's not enough. It's not enough to just kill our daughter. I need to kill the virus where it started." Ethan growled, his right hand raised to reveal a knife already covered in blood.

And for the first time, I made a movement that felt like my own, I raised my hand to reach out and stop him, but he grabbed my wrist.

"You're too weak to even try to save yourself, you anorexic bitch. God, I used to admire you for how strong you are. But fucking look at you know, pathetic attention whore." He murmured.

Ethan took the knife in his hand and slid it down the wrist he was holding, cutting into it. But it didn't hurt. It didn't feel like anything.

"Across the street for attention, down the river for hospitalization." was the last thing I heard before I drifted...

* * *

I already knew something was strange even before I opened my eyes, because I had not been jolted awake by the need to vomit.

But what was waiting beyond my closed eyes made waking up everyday for three months vomiting something I would endure for the rest of my life it meant what happened never happened again.

My eyes flickered open to find myself surrounded in darkness, with what only seemed to be a singular light shone down on my body. I attempted to sit up, but found that my wrists and ankles were strapped down disabling my movements. I whipped my head to either side of me to look for someone, anyone else in the room, where was Benny? Adison? Where was I exactly? My eyes adjusted to the darkness surrounding me and I found a coated figure not too far from my side. It was a masculine figure, hunched over what sounded like to be metal tools.

The figure turned to face me, it was an older man; with graying hair and glasses helped squinted, aged eyes. A surgeon's mask was wrapped around his ears and he pulled it down underneath his chin upon realizing that I was no longer unconscious.

"Oh, how unfortunate, you are awake." he mumbled, making his way towards me.

"W-who are you?" I questioned, struggling against my restraints as every fiber of my being told me I needed to flee.

"Really? Has Adison never told you about me before? How shameful, we talk too often for her to not mention me. But anyway, I'm Dr. Emerson; don't worry you won't have to know that name for too long. I am just here for a quick procedure." the man explained.

My eyes widened as the two connected in my brain. My house was an illegal abortion doctor's in house office. Dr. Emerson...he was the ghost of the doctor. A doctor who specialized in abortions...and I was pregnant.

"If you think you're performing an abortion on me, you are dead wrong! You will not touch me! ADISON! BENNY!" I screamed.

"Hey now, there is simply no reason to shout, and especially for your friends, they've left. They didn't want to be present when I operated on you." Dr. Emerson declared.

"What do you mean? They know what's happening to me right now?" I demanded.

"Of course they do, Adison is the one who told me I should do this. It took a little convincing for Benny to agree, but ultimately they've agreed this is what's best for you. Now, I was supposed to give you enough anesthetic that you were unconscious the whole time, but it seems I am out of practice." the doctor rambled slightly.

My heart trembled in shock. How could Adison and Benny plan to do something like this to me?

"Why? Why would they do something like this?" I wondered out loud.

"They love you, Ethan, they only have your best interest in mind. You are too young for a child. You have so much ahead of you, you haven't even graduated yet. There's so much of the world you should see, and you can't do that being a teen parent. They just want you to have a good life." he concluded.

"No, no, no, that can't be! They know how important my baby is to me! And one of them might be the other parent! How could they do something like this?!" I cried out, trying to break from my constraints once again.

"Ethan, this is what's best. Think about it, you don't even have a job. You have never worked a day in your life, you have nothing to support a child. Not to mention, you don't even know who the other parent is. What if it's Jesse? Do you really think he's going to show up for the birth? And then you and your baby die. It is not a stable situation. This is what is best." he pointed out.

I felt the familiar ache in my chest that I knew began when I was about to cry. Because there was something inside of me that wanted to have an abortion, something cowardly in me that just wanted the problem to end, because he was right. I couldn't give her a life she deserved, and if she was Jesse's there was a chance that we would both die. And although I had said I would die for her...if there was a large chance we would both die...then why not just save myself?

"I...can't...I can't do this." I sobbed, the tears streaming down into my hair.

"You don't have to do anything, Ethan, just relax." Dr. Emerson reassured me as he placed a breathing mask over my mouth and nose.

* * *

I awoke in the familiar bed of my best friend, the lack of both Ethan and Adison was familiar, because there were occasions when I was the last one to wake up. Nothing seemed to be out of place.

Except the sheets of the bed had been changed, they were no longer boy-ish like they had been before. They were a pretty gray with white and yellow stripes. Why had the sheets been changed though? I looked around to find that a lot of furniture was now unfamiliar.

And Ethan's computer set up in the corner had been replaced with a little white crib.

I pulled the sheets off of my body and quickly transitioned myself from laying in bed to out of the bedroom door and down the stairs. I peered into the living room to see that Jane was sitting on the couch watching television as if everything was normal.

But something wasn't normal.

I briskly walked into the kitchen to find Adison who was breastfeeding a baby.

"Oh, good morning, Benny." the dark-haired girl spoke sweetly, she looked down to check to make sure the baby was done before pulling down her shirt which had been pushed upward. She then proceeded to put the baby against her shoulder and burp them.

Okay, so, Adison was here...and clearly Ethan had the baby...but where was he?

I slowly walked over to Adison and the baby, I looked at her little face from over Adison's shoulder. She had a lot of hair, dark hair, and her eyes were a deep blue. She was a gorgeous baby, but...why did she unsettle me then?

"Adison...where's Ethan?" I mumbled.

She looked up at me with saddened eyes and took my hand in hers.

"Benny...you know this...Ethan's dead." she answered glumly.

I felt my heart fall straight from my chest cavity into the pit of my stomach. No, there was no way. There was absolutely no way that my best friend was dead.

"But...she's here. How can she be here if he's not?" I questioned, my heart racing and my hands shaking. Panic completely overtook my person, Ethan just could not be dead. I didn't know how to exist without him. I couldn't live without him.

"Don't you remember? It was just too much, the birthing process...it just was too much, his body was never meant for something like childbirth. Not to mention we didn't reach him in quite enough time. While we were able to save Cadence, we weren't able to save Ethan." Adison explained.

That triggered something in my brain and I was met with the memory of Ethan in a hospital-like setting, screaming his heart out, with Jesse and some mysterious hooded woman. The woman was performing the teleportation spell, but...because the baby wasn't Jesse's, it wasn't working, it was only hurting Ethan. Then there was Adison, Sarah, Erica, and I bursting into the room. Another flash and both Jesse and the woman were gone, it was just us; I was performing the teleportation spell, because the baby was Adison's.

But that was the last of my memory.

My Ethan. My Ethan was dead, not even because the baby was Jesse's, but because she was Adison's and we were unsuccessful in reaching Ethan in time to save both of them.

I felt my vision focus into the present and without another word to Adison, I ran out of the house.

But as I opened the door to run out of the house, I was met with a long concrete hallway.

And I could hear him, I could hear Ethan screaming. I had heard him scream before, like when we were scared, but this...this was different. This was Ethan screaming out in agony, I could nearly feel it myself.

"Benny?! What are you doing there just standing?! Come on!" Adison hissed at me, I watched as she ran ahead of me with Erica and Sarah trailing behind her. And of course, my legs eventually worked themselves into the same sprint as the girls.

In front of us, at the end of the concrete hallway, were double doors that the girls simply shoved past with ease. Behind the doors was a hospital-like room, and in the middle of the room was Ethan...heavily pregnant and clearly in labor.

I was reliving the same memory.

My stomach churned and my head ached at the confusion of it all.

What was happening? Where was I? Was this a dream...a nightmare perhaps? What was it that I was seeing? And why?


	12. The Last Blues We're Ever Gonna Have

The next time I "awoke" I found myself in nothingness. My feet touched the floor, but the floor was black and everything surrounding me was black. There was not a single sound except for my own breathing, which startled me at first, because in the last scenario I had lacked any human function such as breathing and a beating heart. And the fact that I could feel scared was surprising as well. But it was comforting to feel alive again.

"Ugh, it's you again." a familiar voice came from behind me; I whipped around to find of course Ethan, but I also found Benny this time standing beside him.

"Don't you think it's about time to kill yourself? Come on, do us all a favor." Benny sneered.

My heart began to race with anxiety, what was all of this? This wasn't Benny, this wasn't Ethan. Then why was I seeing this? Why was this happening?

This was not how the normal Halloween routine went.

"I wish you had never moved to Whitechapel. My life would be so much better without you in it, I especially wouldn't be pregnant with such a weak bitch of a child." Ethan hissed, beginning to walk around me in a circle threateningly.

"Ethan has always loved me far more than he's ever loved you, you really think you could waltz into his life and actually be his friend? You're only his friend because he pities you, because nobody else would be friends with such a freak like you." Benny murmured as he stepped closer to me.

"You act like you're so strong and you can protect us, but we've never needed you. We're fine on our own. You think we need you but we don't."

"If you think I'm going to let your mentally ill ass parent our child, you're so wrong. I don't want her to end up like you. I don't even want her to look like you."

"Please go back to Japan where you belong, far far away from us."

"You're so terrible your parents don't even want you, that's why they left you here so easily."

Ethan and Benny continued to taunt me. And it hurt, it hurt for a while, but as they continued...I began to become angry.

Because I had come to the realization that there was no way in Hell Benny and Ethan would even think things like this. There was just no way, this wasn't Benny, this wasn't Ethan. It was me.

It's everything I had ever feared Ethan or Benny would think of me.

But I knew, I knew inside of me that Ethan and Benny loved me. And I knew that I was strong. I knew that I wasn't my mental illnesses, I wasn't broken, I wasn't a monster.

So, as Ethan opened his mouth to spit another insult my way, I stuck my foot out and wrapped it around his ankle to make him trip and fall to the ground on his back.

Benny attempted to attack me from my left, but I kicked him in his stomach; winding and knocking him to the ground as well.

"How fucking dare you think you can talk to me like that. I am so much more than what you say I am. I am everything you wish you could be and more." I growled.

"Yeah fucking - Ethan began, but I cut him off and proceeded to dig my foot into his chest.

"Don't say shit. You aren't Ethan. Ethan loves me, and he loves Benny, and you are not him. Don't you act like for a fucking second that you are him." I hissed.

"Stop acting like - Benny started, but I turned and kicked him in the side of his head, it hurt me a bit to hurt Ethan and Benny like this. But they weren't Ethan and Benny, I had to remind myself.

"No, you stop acting like you know shit. I am stronger than you will ever be. I am better than you will ever be. I am not perfect, and I will never be perfect. But I am not a bad person, I have never tried to be a bad person. I am trying to be as good as I can be, and I think it's working pretty well." I barked.

And with that, I watched as Ethan and Benny faded away like ghosts in the morning. The darkness around me began to crack and break, exposing blinding white light beneath it.

I felt my soul become the lightest it had ever been in a long time.

"You've done it, Adison," a woman's voice that sounded familiar came from somewhere above.

I looked around to see if I could find a figure of sorts, but it was only me.

"Just remember this and remember that time is running out," the voice came again.

And that was the last I heard before I finally actually woke. Safe and sound in Ethan's bedroom where we had all last been. Beside me were Ethan and Benny, both boys had facial expressions scrunched up; I gathered that they were in the same place as I had been.

They too needed to face their fears.

* * *

I had hoped that when I woke up next, I was going to find myself in my bedroom with everything normal as always. But instead when I woke, I found myself in nothing. Sure my feet were on some sort of flat surface, but there was no sign of anything else around me. Except in front of me was a scenario, there was another me and Adison.

"I'm sorry Ethan...I just can't do this, I can't be a mom..." the dark-haired muttered darkly. A stern expression on her face, as if she was not changing her mind at all.

"But Adison...I need you. I can't do this on my own." the other me cried.

"This was never meant to be my problem. This isn't my problem. She's not mine. She's only yours." Adison hissed, I watched as she turned and began walking away, disappearing into the black.

In her place came Benny.

"I didn't think she was actually going to be mine...I always thought she was going to be Adison's...I can't be a dad. There's so much I need to do. I can't be a dad, Ethan, I can't do this." he insisted before turning in the same fashion and running into the darkness.

And with Benny...Jesse replaced him. Except in his arms he held what I assumed to be...my baby.

"You really thought I was stupid enough to forget to put my DNA in the serum? Of course I didn't! So, thanks for carrying the next dark heir to her full term. She'll never know of you." the dark-haired man cackled.

My heart began to ache upon the scenes I was seeing. Why? Why was I seeing any of this? What was the point?

Both the other me and Jesse faded to simply be replaced with Adison and Benny once again, except now their attention was on only me.

"You're ruining our lives by keeping this baby, Ethan." Adison proposed.

It felt as if my heart was being stabbed.

"You know you can't take care of her anyway. You can never give her a life she deserves." Benny sneered.

Tears began to prick in the corners of my eyes.

"And you really thought we want to help you care for a child? How ridiculous, we don't want to have to care for two children at once." the dark-haired girl laughed darkly.

"Look at you, you can't even not cry for one goddamn second. You're going to die from your own stress, you pathetic excuse for a boy."

"You will always be the weakest link."

"Just give up, Ethan, give up. It's all you've ever been good at."

"We have never loved you."

I was just beginning to believe their words. The tears were streaming down my face, my chest twisted with pain, and my stomach churned. But then I remembered everything.

I remembered everything that had happened within the last two months. I remembered Adison tearing herself apart, because she cared and blamed herself so much for what happened to me. I remembered the nights where Benny and I talked about baby names for the baby. I remembered the countless of times the three of us had laid in bed together, holding one another, Adison would sing softly to us, and sometimes Benny and I would join in. I remembered the countless of times I have looked into both Adison and Benny's eyes, and been so shocked by the amount of emotion in them that could only be described as an unconditional love.

This was all wrong.

Adison and Benny would never say things like this.

It was all just everything I had ever feared.

"Shut up! You're not Adison! And you're not Benny! You're not real! This isn't real! Benny and Adison love me, and they will absolutely help me with my baby! And I'm not weak! I may not be a wizard like Benny and I may not be a combat artist like Adison, but I am strong in my own way!" I shouted, my voice echoed in the dark.

I watched as the manifestations of Benny and Adison faded from in front of me. The darkness around me began to drip away to reveal a pure whiteness behind it.

"Good job, Ethan. Now, remember this always." a familiar feminine voice came from somewhere within the darkness.

I opened my eyes for a third time to find myself in my bedroom, I sat up and found that Benny was beside me. He was still sleeping.

And Adison, the pretty dark-haired girl was sat at my computer, cross-legged and eating.

"Adison...?" I murmured cautiously, afraid that although everything seemed normal that it was not.

The girl whipped her head around, her eyes shining and a bright smile on her face.

"Ethan!" she purred happily, it was the happiest I had seen her in months.

I pulled the covers off of myself and made my way over to where she was sitting; I wrapped my arms around her neck, burying my face into her shoulder.

"I love you," we both murmured to one another in sync.

"Is Benny in the same nightmare situation we were just in?" I wondered. I felt Adison nod her head in response.

"And we just have to let him ride it out too, don't we?" I asked; she nodded her head in response once more.

With that, I simply pulled up an extra chair and sat next to Adison to watch videos.

* * *

Upon opening my eyes after closing them to avoid onlooking the horrible "memory" of Ethan dying, I found myself in a box of darkness. Everything was a deafening stuffy silence, so, it felt as if I was encased in something.

Before I could even have a moment to breathe, there was the sound of Ethan screaming once again. I looked into the darkness to see him, illuminated by a singular light; laying in a makeshift bed, heavily pregnant. I rushed over to his side.

"Ethan, it's okay, I'm here now. Please, you're strong, don't give up." I pleaded.

"Really? You think I don't want to die?" Ethan's voice came from behind me; I turned swiftly to find him perfectly okay. I whipped my head backwards to find that the Ethan I had found before was gone.

"You make me want to die, Benny. God, how else am I supposed to get away from you? At least in the afterlife there's no chance of you finding me." the dark-haired boy grumbled.

"W-why would you say something like that?" I wondered out loud.

"Because he means it, you idiot! God, are you that fucking stupid?" came the familiar voice of Adison, who stepped out from behind Ethan.

"You used to be my best friend, Benny. Used to, but then Adison came to Whitechapel, and just...well, how can you compete with someone like her? She's so much smarter than you and she can take care of me, protect me, far better than you and your Harry Potter powers can." Ethan hissed.

"And of course the baby is mine. You really thought she was going to be yours? How pathetic, you're not even fit enough to be a dad. You wouldn't have a goddamn clue what to do with a baby when you're one yourself." Adison taunted.

"I would've been so disappointed if the baby was yours. I have never loved you like I love Adison. I would definitely have to abort the baby if it was yours." Ethan barked.

That one was what felt like a ton of bricks had dropped from the sky above and crushed themselves down onto me. It was as heartbreaking as the look on Ethan's face when he had first found out he was pregnant.

But that's when something else hit me.

I had known Ethan for over 10 years. I had known Adison for over 5. There was no goddamn fucking way either one of them thought shit like this.

Ethan was by far one of the purest souls I had ever seen. There were so many times within the last decade where I knew Ethan loved me. Was it rare that the two of us told each other we loved each other? Yes, but my God, when Ethan told me he loves me, I could feel it in his words. I could see it in face. He meant it. There was no way he didn't love me.

And Adison, that girl was going to jump in front of anything that posed even a mild threat to me. She was going to risk her life for me without a second thought. She was so passionate about protecting Ethan and I, and even though her and I tended to butt heads it was just because we were two strong personalities in desperate need of making sure our loved ones knew they were loved. And God, Adison didn't even need to tell me she loved me for me to know.

This wasn't Adison. This wasn't Ethan. This was me. It was everything I had ever worried about when it came to my best friends.

And hearing it out loud, just made it sound all the more idiotic.

I watched as Ethan opened his mouth to say something else, but without much thinking, I reached out with my fist and punched him straight in the jaw.

Adison looked as if she were about to spat something out as well, but I backhandedly slapped her.

"Don't you fucking dare think about saying another goddamn word, because it's all lies and garbage. Ethan loves me and Adison, there is no loving one more over the other. And you know what, even if the baby isn't mine, if it is Adison's, it's going to be fine. Ethan is still going to love me. We all love each other! And that's okay! So fuck off and fuck you! I'm smart! I'm not dumb! I'm passionate and I'm so much more than my magic!" I yelled.

I felt the pressure that was on my chest suddenly become lighter. It felt as if the last two months, or maybe even longer than that, all of the stress was lifted.

The visions of Ethan and Adison melted away, and the darkness around me began to give way.

"Well done, Benny, don't forget this feeling. This is so important." an unfamiliar woman's voice came from somewhere and also nowhere at the same time.

But before I could have time to question it, I found myself opening my eyes once again.

And I found myself in Ethan's bedroom, where I had previously remembered myself to be. I lifted myself into a sitting position to look over at the computer and find my companions sitting watching videos.

I watched as Ethan's head turned towards me and his eyes lit up like a Christmas tree upon seeing me.

"Hey, Ad, look who's finally awake!" he purred.

Adison turned her head to look behind at me and a similar smile to Ethan's appeared on her face.

The two lifted themselves out of their chairs and made their way over to the bed where they sat down in front of me.

"Did you two go through the same thing I just did?" I questioned; my friends nodded their heads.

The three of us began to discuss what exactly we had seen, we began to openly admit our fears to one another, and we found that we were essentially all afraid of the same things. We were all fundamentally afraid that we didn't actually love each other and that we were terrible people. But we weren't. We loved each other and sure, we weren't perfect people, but we were trying our best to be good people and that's what mattered.

It seemed as if things were looking up, or at least, if there were more bad times to come that they were no longer going to be as bad as they used to be. Because now we were stronger and we valued ourselves and we knew we valued each other.


	13. Got a Secret, Can You Keep it?

It was November 15th when it happened.

I didn't expect it to happen in such a way, but it did, and it was as if the entire world exploded.

Let me explain:

Ever since Halloween, where the three of us had been trapped in nightmarish realms and could only escape after defeating our most prominent fears, it seemed as if things were looking up. We all felt significantly better than we had in months. We had accepted that everything we had feared wasn't true and it was wildly stupid to think they would ever be.

We were a lot better, so much better. Our relationship between one another was just as childish and innocent as it had been before Ethan became pregnant.

But there was still a small problem...or rather a large one.

I still hadn't told Ethan yet, that I was the second parent. It's not that I was afraid of telling him, I wasn't afraid of telling him anymore. I just thought I could avoid having to admit that I had known for a long while. He had an appointment that Friday, we were going to find out if it was possible to tell who the second parent was. Because if we could, then there was no reason for me to tell my secret, and we could exist as if I had never known.

But that was not the plan.

It was Wednesday, the morning was fairly normal. Ethan was approximately 13 weeks along and he was no longer waking every morning to vomit; thus we were saved a couple minutes of sleep before having to get ready for the day. As usual I was the first one to roll out of the bed and begin getting ready. Going to the bathroom to brush my teeth and comb through my hair, then I ventured back into the bedroom to find my two boys groggily getting ready themselves.

I watched as Ethan took off his shirt to put on the one he had chosen to wear for the day; I felt my eyes widened and my lips curl into a small smile as I realized that his stomach was filled out. He was showing.

"Why are you looking at me like that, Ad?" Ethan wondered as he caught my gaze, pulling down his shirt from over his head.

"You're starting to show," I murmured happily.

Ethan's dark eyes widened, he walked over to the full-length mirror in the furthest corner of the room; he lifted his shirt to just above his stomach and began inspecting his appearance. It was not that big of a difference, you could not see it with his shirt down, but you could see it when he turned to the side.

"If she makes me really fat I might have to throw her away," Ethan decided as he pulled down his shirt and turned towards Benny and I who were getting changed into our daily wear.

"What the fuck ever, Ethan," I laughed, "You are so small and you are probably going to continue to be small for the rest of your life, even after you give birth." I pointed out.

"But isn't that the whole stigma? That 'babies ruin your body'?" Ethan questioned.

"I mean, yes, you can gain a lot of weight while pregnant. However, if you're active and don't overeat, then you should be fine. Not to mention you are young, you have a very high metabolism, and you're also a boy. Biologically speaking, females gain weight more than men." Benny answered before I could. Ethan looked to me for confirmation of this information and I nodded my head.

"You're always going to be cute, E." I murmured; as he came to stand beside Benny and I, I nuzzled my head into his hair for a brief teasing second.

"Whatever you say," Ethan scoffed; rolling his eyes and proceeding to mess up my hair.

The boys went to brush their teeth and comb through their hair; I sat myself on the bed once again. While my hands said I was scrolling through social media on my phone, my mind was somewhere else. I was of course thinking about telling Ethan. My person itched to let him know the truth. Not to mention, Erica was becoming increasingly more upset with me that I hadn't told him yet. But I wanted to wait, I wanted to know if I ever had to tell him my secret, or if it was possible that I could simply hold with me until I ceased to exist upon the Earth.

"Adison!" Ethan's voice broke me from my thoughts and managed to scare me, resulting in me dropping my phone from in my hands onto the floor. Luckily, it did not crack, but a cracked screen would have been the least of my issues after what happened.

"Ha! Wow, it's been a long time since I've been able to scare you like that." the dark-haired boy giggled as he pushed his shoes onto his feet. Benny walking over to where he left his shoes and doing the same thing.

"Well, you know what that means though, payback." I hissed playfully; getting off of the bed and walking past Ethan to playfully aggressively hit my shoulder against his, causing him to fall over a bit. The boys soon followed me out of the room as I made my way down the stairs; Ethan and I grabbed our sacked lunches from mom, said goodbye to our family, and proceeded to leave for school.

The school day was fairly normal, classes were ramping up for our end of the winter semester finals, but being seniors it was not as stressful as when we were freshmen. There was nothing that felt weird about the school, it seemed as if it was going to be a normal day, but of course that was never meant to be a part of the plan for us. That's not what the universe wanted for us.

Ethan and I were simply sitting in our psychology class, listening to Dr. Wright talk about something having to do with how cocaine effects the brain and it's addictive properties. Psychology was quite the interesting class, thus it always seemed to never last that long. Soon enough the bell over our heads rang, signaling it was time to go home for us seniors.

That's when shit went wrong.

I attempted to get up from my chair to exit the classroom, but I was stuck. I watched as other students left the classroom without problem, but I looked to the side of me and was met with a bewildered look from Ethan who also seemed to be glued to his seat.

As soon as all of the other students had filed out of the classroom, I was finally able to spring up from my chair and dart towards the door; the dark-haired boy joined me as we pulled on the handle only to find that we were locked in.

"You have got to be fucking kidding me," I mumbled, looking around for Dr. Wright, but she had seemingly disappeared.

"What the fuck..." I heard Ethan wondered; I turned to see him transfixed on the chalkboard. A single piece of white chalk had animated itself and was now writing on the black surface.

"One of you has a big secret that you need to let out now, or bigger consequences will ensue..." I read to myself as I watched the words materialize on the board.

My heart began to pound against my rib cage, because I knew. Ethan didn't have any secrets, he was never one to keep them, and he surely did not have any now nor would he ever. But I did.

I looked over at Ethan and our eyes met, his dark brown eyes were filled with confusion, and I could not even begin to fake being clueless about the situation.

Suddenly, things in the room began to shift. Bookshelves against the walls had moved closer, the classroom was closing in on us.

"Ah! Adison, what do we do?!" Ethan questioned.

"Well think! Have you not told me anything important in the last year or so?" I hissed panicking. I didn't want to have to tell him. Not now, not ever, I wanted to die with this secret, because I knew it was going to hurt him.

"No! I tell you everything, Adison. I've never kept anything from you." the smaller boy insisted.

I bit down on my lower lip, because of course he didn't have anything to tell me. Ethan probably could not even fashion a lie of a secret, he would never in his life imagine not telling me something. We were best friends.

The sound of desks sliding across the floor brought me out of my thoughts. I looked around to see the walls were increasing in proximity. I then looked at Ethan who was struggling with the door handle in his hands trying to wield it open, but that was not going to work.

I knew I had to tell him, there was no other way around it, whatever higher being was keeping us trapped here was not going to let us out until I said what I knew I needed to say.

"Ethan..." I started, the dark-haired boy turned his attention towards me. His dark brown eyes made my heart leap into my throat. He trusted me so much, and I was about to shatter it to bits.

"It's me, I have the secret." I continued, I watched as Ethan cocked his eyebrows into a confused and cautious expression. But he didn't attempt to speak therefore I finished my speech:

"I'm the second parent, I am the mother of your baby. I have known for about three months now...Erica told me a long while ago." my heart was just about to burst out of my chest it was beating so much. I shut my eyes to avoid looking at Ethan's facial expression.

The room was silent for what felt like an entirety, but then there was the slightest sound of the door creaking. I opened my eyes to see that it was slowly swinging open.

I looked over at Ethan, his dark gaze transfixed on the ground, but from the way his hands balled into fists I knew he was angry.

"E..." I murmured.

He turned on his feet and ran out of the classroom. I too sprinted off after him, I was not far behind his heels. As we made our way down the hall, I caught a glimpse of our friends out of the corner of my eye; I heard Benny and Erica yelp for us, but I didn't stop running after Ethan.

We made our way out of the school building.

"Ethan! Wait!" I cried out, which made him stop in his tracks, and I stopped a few feet behind him. My ears registered the sound of the school doors opening behind me, our friends had joined us to watch my beheading.

"What, Adison?! I don't want to hear anything from you anymore, you selfish bitch." he growled.

The air caught in my throat and it felt as if someone had just cut right into my heart. Ethan had never snapped at me like this before, and he never dared to call me an insult like that not even in a joking manner.

"Hey! What's going on?" I heard Benny shout.

"Shut up, Benny." Erica hissed. She knew what was happening.

"Ethan...I'm sorry..." was all I could manage out.

"Sorry?!" Ethan barked, walking closer to me, "You're sorry?! Do you have any idea how many nights I fucking spent worrying about who the second parent of my kid was? Do you have any idea how much easier it would have been on me if you had told me this when you had first found out? Fuck you, Adison Montgomery." the dark-haired boy snarled. His dark eyes raged with a deadly fire, the kind of fire that swallows everything in its path. It was threatening to swallow me.

There was a part of me that wanted to fight Ethan, that wanted to yell at him in the same way that he yelled at me. But that was an older part of me, a part I was desperately trying to bury amongst other bad habits and personality traits I owned.

I opened my mouth to say something, probably something along the lines of how sorry I was, but before I could speak I felt a sharp impact against my right cheek.

Ethan had full-on slapped me.

The impact of his hand against my cheek was in fact so hard that it knocked my glasses clear off my face. My hands flew to the stinging sensation in my cheek and cupped my face as if that would help the pain. I looked up to still see Ethan's slightly blurry face, but instead of anger I saw shock.

"Ethan! What the fuck?!" I heard our friends shout, everything was a blur, but one moment I felt someone's hands on my shoulders. Then I saw what I assumed to be Benny standing in between Ethan and I. There were voices, but they were muffled in my ears as they were ringing.

I knew what I needed to do.

I needed to leave. It's what was best for Ethan. It was what was best for me.

And with that, I picked up my glasses off the ground, shook whomever's hands were on my shoulders still off of me, and walked away.

I could hear Erica shouting for me, but luckily none of them followed and I drifted off into the bright sunny afternoon.

* * *

I had never been that angry in my entire life.

But I could not fucking believe it. Firstly: Adison and I told each other everything, ever since we had met there were never really any secrets between us. And secondly: she had known for three months that she was the other parent. I had countless nightmares of different scenarios in which Jesse was the other parent, and I ended up dying, or my baby ended up dying. I worried myself sick sometimes wondering what I was going to have to do. But Adison knew, she knew all along, and for whatever goddamn selfish reason, she didn't tell me.

I think I had a right to be so infuriated with Adison.

But I never meant to hit her.

She never deserved that, and that was one hundred percent my fault. I should have never laid a single finger on her.

The stinging sensation in my hand from slapping Adison so hard awoke me from my blind rage.

"Ethan! What the fuck?!" I heard Benny shout before he suddenly stepped in front of Adison and I, his hands gripped my shoulders tightly. As if he was anchoring me back down to reality.

I had hurt Adison. I had done something I said I would never do which is hit a girl. And even at that, I had physically hurt someone I could not live without.

Erica was holding Adison by her shoulders as well, and I could see that Adison's face was already starting to bruise. My stomach turned at the sight of it.

I never meant to hurt her.

"Adison," I whispered; I watched as she picked her glasses off of the ground, failing to acknowledge any of us who called to her, and the dark-haired girl turned around to walk away. The sunlight soon swallowing her.

I felt my chest begin to collapse as I struggled to breathe, there was only one thought running through my head:

I hurt her. I hurt her. I hurt her. I hurt her.

I was not even that concerned about the secret anymore, because eventually, I could forgive Adison for keeping it from me. But oh my God, she was never going to forgive me for hitting her.

I had just found out she was the other parent, and I had already managed to ruin anything before it even began.

"Ethan, hey, Ethan." Benny's voice captured my attention; I looked up into his hazel eyes to find wide eyes filled with questioning and concern.

"Ethan, what happened? Why did you...why did you hit Adison?" Benny asked timidly.

"She's...she's the other parent, and she knew...she knew for three months. But...I didn't mean to hit her. I didn't want to hit her. I never meant to hurt her.." I stuttered, my heart aching.

My eyes began to pool with tears, as usual, and I felt my breath stagger in the familiar way it did when I was going to start sobbing.

I caught Benny talking to Erica and Sarah for a moment about finding where Adison went off to, before he began leading me to the parking lot and to my car which we had chosen to take to school today.

Benny grabbed the keys from my back pocket and with blurry vision I climbed into the passenger seat. He started up the car and began driving to what I assumed to be home. But I didn't want to go home, I didn't want to go somewhere Adison wasn't. I needed to find her, I needed to tell her that I was sorry and that I loved her.

She was still my whole world.

I buried my face in my hands and let out a painful, choked cry. I felt Benny place one hand on my shoulder to console me. But it was going to be a long time before I felt okay again.

And things had just begun looking up.

Soon enough Benny and I made it home, I'm not entirely sure how I managed to get from the car into the house because I was a mess. I had done a lot of crying in the past three months, but this was a messy sort of crying. The kind where your nose drips consistently, your face is soaked with tears, and your chest hurts as if you had been holding your breath for much longer than you should have been. It was a mess and I was a mess, everything was now a mess, and it was all because of me.

I sat down on the couch and Benny stood a few feet away from me, which at the time I did not notice was strange, but later on rethinking about it I realized was not normal and I knew why. He was afraid.

"Ethan...will you talk to me?" Benny asked softly.

I caught my breath for a moment, and began to try and control it. It was something Adison started to teach me, because with mood swings it was hard to keep a hold of my emotions and I never wanted to randomly start crying at school. Therefore she had started to teach me how to control my breathing, controlling when I inhaled and exhaled.

Once I got my breathing to somewhere close to normal, I nodded in response to Benny's question.

"Tell me everything, please," the brown-haired boy insisted.

I bit down on my lower lip as I thought back to the classroom scenario and realized that I was not even entirely sure of how it all began. Who had trapped us in the classroom? Was it Dr. Wright, our psychology teacher? Was she just as I expected to be...supernatural? And if so, why and how did she know that Adison wasn't telling me something? Even if she didn't know, why was it important that this happened.

So, not only had the situation turned into a mess when I...hit Adison, but it had begun as a mess.

"You know...I'm not too sure, to be exact. We were in psychology and we couldn't leave the classroom, we were trapped. On the board it said that one of us had a secret and we needed to let it out or bigger consequences would ensue. I tell Adison everything, always, I am so unbelievably honest with you and Adison it's embarrassing. Then she told me...she told me that she's the second parent that she's know for three months. Three, Benny! That's how far along I am! She's known from the very beginning that she was the second parent and she didn't let us know! How could she do that?!" I finished, feeling the same anger spark again as it had done in the classroom.

I looked up at Benny and watched for a quick moment as his eyes glazed over with...hurt? Disappointment? Sadness?...I wasn't sure what exact emotion it was, but it wasn't a good feeling. But it was only for a quick moment, then gone in a flash as he shook his head and directed his hazel eyes into my dark brown. His gaze a more serious tone.

"I think you are completely valid in being very angry with Adison. She should have absolutely said something when she first found out. But...you should have never hit her." Benny pointed out as if it were the most obvious thing ever.

"I didn't mean to hit her! I...I never wanted to hurt her. I would never ever hit you or Adison or Sarah or Erica...I never meant to hit Adison! I know she never deserved it, and I knew the second after I...hit her...I wanted to say sorry. But she ran away!" I rambled furiously, the choking feeling coming back into my throat.

"Do you think she'll come home, Benny?" I asked after a moment of pause.

The older boy looked quizzical for a few moments before answering, "Well, I did tell Erica and Sarah to look for her, but even if they find her...I don't think we should find it surprising if she doesn't come home tonight or perhaps for a couple days. What happened today is going to be hard for her to get over and she might not want to be around us for a while." he explained.

I knew he was right. The possibility of Adison coming home that night was next to none. It was just so rare for her to walk away from something, she told me she'd never leave. But this wasn't a normal situation, I couldn't expect her to stay. In fact, I was glad she left. What I had put her in was a toxic situation and it was right for her to leave. I just wished I could leave myself too.

I simply nodded my head in agreement with what Benny said, I allowed myself to fall back onto the couch from where I sat on it. I reached over and turned on the television, not entirely caring what was on as I knew I would fall asleep soon. But before I drifted off I felt Benny come and sit down beside me.

Even after a nap, getting up to do some homework, dinner, and everything else leading up to falling asleep that night: Adison didn't come home

* * *

okay, so no one is probably reading this story anymore, the my babysitters a vampire fanfiction is kinda dead but you know what I'm gonna finish this motherfucker even if it kills me, so here ya fucking go void that I am speaking too - here's another chapter of this bullshit

also sorry if the format looks weird I am uploading from my phone because I'm sick and can't get to the computer lmao fuck me


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